Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Where am I going from here...

I spoke these words to the Preacherboy ...

"I think I want to move to the Anglican church..."

I went to that service on Thursday night, and ever since that night I feel that the spirit of God is moving in my soul. I know the feeling - it is familiar. It speaks to my soul and says, "yes, you know me don't you? You have been walking on this journey waiting for this moment to come, so here it is."

The music is still stirring in my soul. I've been hearing the voice of "calling" for days now, as if I am supposed to return to this space because I feel there is something waiting for me. I've been continuing my nightly reading of Going to Heaven, the biography of the Rt. Rev. Gene Robinson and I am just moved to do something more than just read a book. I don't know what this means for me - suffice to say, I sent an email to the rector of the Christ Church Cathedral tonight.

I don't feel Catholic any more, and the lack of a spiritual centre in my life is something that I cannot live without. My faith is what sustains me, and without it, I can go no further. I don't have faith in a 'church' and that bothers me to death. There is a voice calling me, calling me 'where' is the answer I seek tonight. When I think about this spiritual question this vision comes to me.

- This 'Jerome' dream comes to mind -

Jerome woke one night from his sleep the branches of the trees slapping up against the windows of his room. The rain was falling, the wind was blowing, so he got out of his bed and ventured over to his window because he heard the voice call out to him "Jerome, it's me come and let's go." He had heard this voice call to him before - it had visited him several times and was unique.

Jerome stood at the windows and reached out with his arms and closed his eyes, as he rose from where he stood, out of the room, out of the house, up, up, up into the firmament that is the heavens above. There his friend was, like Jerome had always known, the face of an angel the voice of peace and eternity, "come let's fly like the wind the night is young and there are miles to travel before we reach the daylight."

Intertwining their hands Jerome resting behind him, they took off like a bird for places yet still unknown. From place to place they traveled on the wings of gossamer, their hair blowing behind them the song of the breeze in their ears. They covered much ground in those first late night hours, above the clouds surveying the land.

Jerome was astounded at the sense of calm and peace he felt when he took to the air. It was flight that set him free from the world he lived in by day. They spent many nights flying together, no words needed to be spoken, but the love between them was something Jerome had never felt. He did not know why he was gifted to travel so far and so wide with someone who loved him more than he ever knew before, "why him?"

Around the world they flew by night, visiting great cities and places. He showed Jerome all the secrets of the astral plane and told him of the path he must follow. Jerome knew this as to be the one chance he had to break the chain of life he had been stuck with for so very long. He longed to be free to soar above the clouds and be free from the world that held him so tightly in one place.

Jerome had loved once, with the most pure love he had ever known, he knew the touch that would calm his fears, he knew the love that dare not speak its name, alas, never would they see each other again, and the world saw fit to tear them apart. Sadness and loneliness became Jerome’s constant companion, until the flights began many years after they parted ways.

He spoke to Jerome with a whisper that was music to Jerome's ears. They dipped beneath the clouds are soaked by falling rain, but it did not matter as long as they were together.

They knew that they were meant to be together, even if the world fought against their union. So there in the air they would fly to places unseen by human eyes, and they knew truths that no one had ever known, they knew what "one love" meant and how they would maintain it.

That night Jerome knew that he was meant to soar, and to love and to explore the far reaches of himself and his thoughts. He would be there to travel with him whenever Jerome wished him to be. Jerome would hear the voice call to him, "Jerome, it's me come and let's go!" and once again his eyes would close and he would rise to the love that knew no name with the angel that had no name, it was grace that Jerome was accustomed to feel whenever they spent time together.

In time Jerome's night flights would become far and few between because his own journey had begun, and so on the odd occasion Jerome sleeps at night, and hears that familiar voice, "Jerome, it's me come and let's go" and they would rise above the clouds and travel the world around them...


Blogger Beverly said...

I pray for you to have peace wherever you go..

8:36 AM  

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