Monday, August 14, 2006

Monogamy ... Men ... Respect ... and Dignity

As of late it has come to our attention that members of my blog community are having troubles. Little truths let loose and hearts were broken and a relationship was in question. So I ask my gay bretheren - is monogamy realistic? Can we be monogamous and can we treat the one we are with - with dignity and respect? Trust is earned and so is respect. If you don't have that from the beginning then what's the worth of having someone in your life, if they are going to sleep with every Charles, Dick or Harry that walks??? Monogamy has to kick in sometime, and better sooner than later.

It is time to LEARN your way into a relationship

I have often said here on this blog that a relationship takes these specific items:
  1. Respect
  2. Love
  3. Work
  4. Honesty
  5. Honor
  6. Obedience
  7. Dignity
  8. Truth
  9. Did I mention WORK
  10. Perseverance
  11. A relationship does not center around SEX
  12. Oh I forgot that TIME is also important
  13. So is emotional investment and compassion
I have heard it said on Dr. Phil that if you have to go outside your (marriage/relationship) for anything then you don't deserve to be in that (marriage/relationship). There is alot more to the "meat" of a relationship than jumping in the sack whenever it is possible. And now one of my blooger friends is facing that truth himself this week, after a weekend of tears and heartbreak.

And I wrote him a truth filled letter. And I told him what I believed. You know - who do Gay men and women have to learn from when it comes to relationships? WE have EACH OTHER, and I as One of Many will help you get there if it takes all that I can do to help you.

We all have our own baggage from a world that despises us - and in many places - gay marriage is not yet legal. (Thank God Canada affords me certain rights and priveleges). We have to create the relationships we deserve and we must treat each other like we would want to be treated by others. I don't know one single gay man who does not have some psychiatric issue. But couples are beginning to see that there is more to honoring and caring for a relationship than when and how we can have sex.

If you love someone - you love hard. If you respect someone - then you respect hard. If there is a problem like psychiatry or HIV or other catastrophic illness, do you cut and run and try to find a healthier or saner model, or do you STICK and STAY and try to help a fellow human being on their road to personal recovery and LIFE? Leaving someone with issues - sends a message to them - its just like leaving your lover after finding out he is / she is Poz or sick in one way or another.

It is FAR TOO EASY to walk away and only think about yourself. When a man is stuck in the "what about me" phase, he will never grow up and be the man they could be, it is when we are able to stand up along side our lovers and say - I PLEDGE to STICK and STAY with you - and We WILL find the hope we need to survive. What about me must become "what about my partner!"

Deciding to start a relationship and or getting into a relationship, even if you are not married YET still requires you to say those words to your significant other just because you are not married does not mean you can ignore the obvious rules of engagement, let's look at my wedding vows, shall we:

I (J) take you (P) to be my lawful husband:

  • To Love and to Cherish
  • To Honor and Obey
  • To Keep and to Hold
  • For Better or For Worse
  • For Richer or For Poorer
  • In Good times and In Bad Times
  • In Sickness and in Health
  • I will Honor you before others
  • and Respect you above all others
  • and Keep you Safe and Healthy
  • Till the end of time...
That was what I promised my husband on our wedding day - and He listened and he believed. I have never been unfaithful to my Husband - either before we got married or after. The sex may not be stellar and it may be infrequent, but we love each other and we take care of each other. I don't know how many men CAN do that for their partners to 100% of their capability? I mean a relationship is a daunting task. Staying alive in this dog eat dog world of I am cuter than you are, and I am younger and less wrinkled than you are, and I am better than you are...

Fuck that noise!! you bitches...

I pray we see the day where men and women learn how to be "With" another and not have to seek anything outside the bonds of relationships. Some of us have baggage and I am at the top of the baggage list. But you see, in recovery, I have been able to get rid of ALOT of my baggage and that which I carry now fits in the overhead bin or can be safely stowed under the seat of the chair in front of me.

  1. It is time to rise up and say I can and I will
  2. It is time to rise up and say I love you and I will stay
  3. It is time to rise up and take what is rightfully yours
  4. It is time to rise up and make a life for yourself
  5. It is time to rise up and get out of Gay and be the men you were meant to be
  6. It is time to rise up and say enough is enough - I tire of being separated from that which makes us human, Love, real love and commitment

There is the BIG WORD: come on say it with me

C O M M I T M E N T !!!!

Queens run and scream in all directions !!
AHHHHH !!!

OMG I can't commit to just one man,
Sure you can you selfish fuckers!!!

I will miss out on all that SEX!!!
Jesus - Mary and Joseph
Time to grow the fuck up

- I don't know how to Commit -
Well then Listen up and learn


It is my belief that if a gay couple wants to succeed you find a quiet place to settle down (New Hampshire is great in the Fall) and Love - and Love hard. For me I had to Get Out of Gay to find, cultivate and maintain my relationship. We have to blaze our own paths and sometimes that is outside the fray of Gay. Because the longer you stay in Gay, the more issues you will have and the more catty queen shit you will have to deal with. Getting out of Gay will give you a chance to see how you will make your way into the life and relationship you deserve.

  1. It is time to RISE UP and Say I CAN and I WILL !!!
  2. It is time to Rise Up and Say that I Can Be the Man I was meant to be
  3. and I will be the Man you desire me to be

It is time to RISE UP !!!!!!


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