Saturday, July 08, 2006

My cup runneth over, my heart is full ...

I never know what God is going to give me on any given day. Today was one of those days. Through conversations with friends earlier in the week, the phone rang earlier today and a lady I know who I got sober with had called, I don't see her very often. So we caught up on our lives and achievements in sobriety - check ins are funny that way, you never know when the phone will ring and someone you know who you haven't heard from in a while calls upon you.

I told her of the editing/proofreading job I was recommended for this past week and she had nothing but praise for my abilities, it seems I need alot of coaching since I seem so afraid of my own shadow as of late. Me - scholarly work? No, you got to be kidding.... this isn't for real is it?

It is...

We talked for a while and instead of going back to bed I got up and started my day. Whatever was coming the day already got off to a good start. I was revved up to go. I spent some quiet time with my god and I said thatnk you, that I am still alive and opportunity has begin to knock, because I stayed the course and I did the work and I followed the path. I don't expect anything from God or from anyone else. I just do what has to be done every day. Some days I don't want to do that, when at times I take back my will. How foolish right?

So I made it - year 13 - how did I do it?
I have no idea.
I just kept walking...

A little later Faerie Princess called and we had the most amazing conversation. She is a real jewel of a woman, so insightful, honest and human. There are many women in my life today, and I talk to them as if they were family, because really they are. Women are a gift to us, how shameful that most men don't see it that way. Maybe my orientation has something to do with that. So we talked and I did alot of listening.... alot of listening. I do that well, because at one time someone had to listen to me. And I was no picnic by any stretch of the imagination. So I give back where and when I can. We have a date tomorrow to go to the mountain...

I took a break from work to take of me - to bathe and beautify myself, while hubby was at the gym. I put on some IMAX movies for a couple of hours - Blue Planet Series from the Space Shuttle IMAX films - I have the box set. SWEEET!!!

I got an email from Richard Renshaw overnight and I waited until this evening to call him. He is the retired priest that I will be working with on his "Liberation Theology Texts." Needless to say he was overjoyed that I called him, and he's in Montreal, fancy that. We chatted a bit, and we have an appointment to meet on Tuesday morning so we can talk further and go over the text that Faerie Princess and I will be working on, we decided to work on it together, she is a scholarly reader and I am not. She knows language and I know some, but not as much as she. But I can write and edit and study and do all of that - I will do my best, but I am so freaking nervous about really actually getting work that I enjoy doing, that has Never happened. I mean I've really loved some of my jobs, I guess that was a gift that most of my working career was doing that which I enjoyed doing. Now I am sober and it means so much more.

WOW.... this University Career is actually going somewhere, whod'a thunk it...?

Am I worthy? I have no idea, I still quesiton myself and my abilities as a scholar, I use that word very lightly - Very Lightly - most of my friends seem to think I am, so ok, I'll do this....

I am not a preacher, nor a wiseman, nor am I Master Yoda, even though I might write like them and talk like them. All I have is what God gives me at any given moment of the day. My new nickname has been the "Wanabe Preacher." Because I guess I have some wisdom. I spent some time talking to one of Scott's deciples too, she crack's me up. She is so fun, You gotta say it to claim it, don't sit on what you have to do because YOU have to do it to get it over with, even though it might be painful. You made a decision, now stick to it.

Over there on my bloglist -------> Is Randall Friesen. He is a preacher/Pastor in Saskatchewan and I read his blog. I offer him my counsel when I think I have something worthy of saying, which is hit or miss, I never know if anything I have to say is any good.

And you read back at least 2 weeks, his journey has been hard and emotionally tasking. He posted that only 2 people read his blog, so I wrote him a very long letter before starting this post to offer him my counsel - my experience - my strength and my hope. Randall buried his dad a few days ago and while I cannot know what that feels like because my parents decided to walk away, I'll never know what it feels like to physically and emotionally walk through burying a parent, I just cannot imagine what that feels like. Add him and his family to your daily prayers.

Maybe God gifted me with not having to do that any more, or why be bothered to participate in the funerals for people who do not honor me with human thought and feeling, but I know that if the call came tomorrow I would go, because I am the eldest, but since when did that make a difference in my family or mean anything?

So I shared with him what I knew about death and taking care of yourself. I cannot give any of you out there - what I don't have to give you. If my stores are empty, I need to restock, and If I am tired I must rest and if I am empty, then I need to be filled. That's why I go to meetings and I go to class and I pray daily for each and every one of you on my list. I spend some time with my Buddhist mantras and reading. All I have is what I've learned in 39 years of life, yes almost there, three more weeks....

31 July --- Hint Hint
My AMAZON Wish list
is over there

The day is coming to a close and I have served my God to the best of my abilities today. I have served all of you as you have come to me when you have needed me, and so I ask God, Why am I still here on this earth, still alive after all these years, IT did not kill me and won't kill me anytime soon, today was a reminder of WHY I am still here, to serve another selflessly.

Grateful for all good things we pray God for Peace and wisdom, for love and acceptance. We pray that God would be with Randall and his family and friends. And I offer my prayers to you as well.

Nitey Night...


Blogger Beverly said...

I told Scott that you are brilliant!!

Okay boy, I hear you!

Jeremy, you are wise and thanks for all you said to me tonight..glad you are one of the 5...

1:18 AM  
Blogger Echo Mouse said...

I'm going to check out Randall's blog. Thanks for sharing the link. :)

11:44 PM  

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