Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Creating Sacred Space ... A request of sorts ...

Being me takes alot of work. Time is not on our side, and I am giving of myself until I cannot breathe, so something has to give. I've been at this business for many years, and I do it all on my own time - for free - and I never ask anything of my charges. And my husband never questions the hours I devote to helping others because he does the same thing himself in his circles.

I don't know if any of you realize just how much time each day is spent working with others from all over the world. When I am home I have a life outside this box. I have a University Career and a husband, myself and a home to take care of, which is tasking at times, but the structure is useful for both of us.

Over the last 4 years here, I have worked tirelessly to help anyone and everyone who comes here who needs to talk, to rant, to cry, to mourn and to celebrate. I am going to be 39 in a little over 2 weeks. I am just shy of my graduation from University and time is precious. I never shy away from a challenge because the work I do feeds my soul and helps others stay alive. Do you really understand the investment I have made into the many lives that come to this blog and read, and those people who keep coming back for more because they either can't get enough or that they still don't know how to walk the path to their destiny without spiritual and practical guidance.

I have given of myself freely - without reservation, resentment, expectation or selfish gain. I never ask for anything from any of you but your spiritual and emotional support because lets face it - we all need support at one time or another and I am all and well with that. But you know what, I have been in the social service ministry for as along as I've been Poz, and that's a long time, I have been at this ministry since I was old enough to know what to do, and that was in my childhood. I was always taught to take care of others and I have done that.

So over there -----> on the Sidebar above the clock is a PayPal donations button. This is clearly becomming a career because it take up more time in my day than I take for myself. I have said that advice is cheap - but wisdom is priceless, Until Now.

Taking care of my life and my husbands life is a full time job. Mental illness and HIV is not kind and costs us emotionally, mentally, spiritually and economically, not to mention the ware and tare on the body, mind and soul of a Poz man after 13 years of infection and 39 years of life. For all the time I spend working with others and for all the years that I have been at this, I've never asked for anything but your respect, gratitude and your thanks.

That is going to change. And that begins today. That donations button over there is for YOU to use. The cost of living is rising, and I spend more time giving free spiritual guidance to many people through this blogger medium, than I should be, but when I am home the compuuter is on and I am reading, chatting and or writing for your benefit and mine as well.

I take care of my boys, and I take care of my women to the best of my abilities as a man of honor and honesty. I take care of my Poz bretheren and sisters. I counsel people in recovery and associated (A-A) groups world wide. I have shared my memoirs and my wisdom that I have attained in my life in the hopes that I would change at least one life out there. I counsel my friends on coming out, and living well and doing it successfully. I teach them coping skills and I try to instill in them good morals and right forward thinking based on Trust, Acceptance, Respect and Dignity.

All of this advice and wisdom came at the cost that was paid out throughout my life. Now it is time for everyone who has taken from this blog anything that they have used, to be good stewards and tithe their offering out of gratitude for what they have been given.

It is time for the world to stop taking and not reciprocating. I am going to publish a book, I would like to take my husband on a vacation, I would like to be able to pay for the last year of my education and Peter's continuing education, I would like to have enough money to pay for our meds, and buy food and pay the bills on time and have a little mad money to spend on the side.

I don't have all of those things today. Living on special student (HIV and mental illness are categorized under special consideration) bursaries is a tall order. Working a full time job for me is too tasking and would disrupt the assistance I get that keeps us above the water and still we go without at times to pay bills and buy meds not to mention I am not 21 any longer and I am not going to flip burgers to pay for school when I can do this and have a career.

Yet, every day, I come here and I share, and I write and I minister and I talk on the phone and I call some of you daily to check on you to make sure all is well. I sit in a chat box for hours each night waiting for you to come and chat because some of you need that right now and I am glad to do that for you.

But as of late, I feel that the time I invest here with some of you has become more a chore than a joy. Freely given is quickly becomming a resentment. And you know that there are no justified resentments.

I invest in peoples lives because I want them to be better, to live better and to learn valuable lessons so that they don't make the same mistakes that so many of us have. I try to help keep people clean, sober, healthy and alive. And I do it without resentment or expectations, which is the way of the peaceful warrior. Because you know expectations are just prepackaged resentments.

I am not rich, nor am I poor. We sit somewhere in the middle. My time is precious and I cannot continue to be the advisor to the masses without the support from those who have taken so much and given back so little. This is your opportunity to make a difference.

We are called to be good stewards to the world. We are called to support one another in prayer and giving. We are called to be ministers of Christ to anyone who crosses out path at any time of the day or night, and I believe that I am a good steward and a faithful servant of God. You may not agree with me, but unless you have walked a week in my shoes, there should not be one judgement on your lips.

The ministry of the Tao Of Jeremy needs your support in more ways than just comments and your admiration, respect and readership. To continue this ministry of open communication, service and giving of all that I have to those who need or desire, can continue, but not without your full support.

I believe that if I've invested my life into all of you, and I share my wisdom with you and I am working on a University Degree in Religion so that I can be a useful participant in the world of Pastoral Counseling in the future, I have to begin building my sacred space, and the first brick will be laid with your tithes to the Tao of Jeremy.

This is not a selfish "pay me or else the water will be turned off" announcement. We are a community of faithful who share with one another all that we have been given freely. But a church or a meeting of any group cannot survive without paying the rent, buying coffee and literature and supplies for the newcommer.

I want to build my community and to do that I need your support. If you desire that I continue this ministry of spiritual guidance and personal growth then You all need to begin investing in me. I have reached the point where my coffers are becoming empty and I don't have the financial means to keep them filled.

And like I said my time is precious and my wisdom came at a price - the price of my life. And I've given just about all that I can to so many of you, that I am starting to loose my identity and not know who I am any more.

It is my perception that some of you think I am just this sage wise person that people seem to gravitate to because you all think I am this wise and holy servant of God who will spend as much time with you as you desire, and not question the fact that more time is spent helping others than helping myself. But helping myself in recovery is mandated by helping others and giving freely of what was freely given to me through the rooms of AA, the offices of my mentors and counselors, the classrooms of a university and the spirituality of every church and holy man and woman that I know.

It is time for you to give back for what you have been freely given. To continue "Sacred Space" we must tithe our offerings to the ministers who keep the faithful in their pews, so to speak. I believe that it is time for me to make a slight change to the menu of services, because I have invested myself in you now it is your turn to invest in me, for the future of this ministry and the future success and support of lives that have become testing ground for you out there.

It is time to give back

1 Comments:

Blogger Beverly said...

and here's a kiss and a hug!..and all the change I got in my ashtray...you are the best Jeremy!!

9:07 AM  

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