Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Be Lonely, Straight and True... (reprise)

Reference: The Real Live Preacher.

If you want to write you must have faith in what is. You must respect what exists, because it has earned the right to exist. Of all the possibilities, of all the things that might have existed, this thing exists and you should write about it. Be fearless. Explain nothing. Justify nothing. See things as they are and write about them. Don’t waste your creative energy trying to make things up. Even if you are writing fiction, write the things you see and know.

If you want to write you must have faith in yourself. Faith enough to believe that if a thing is true about you, it is likely true about many people. And if you can have faith in your integrity and your motives, then you can write about yourself without fear. With the right kind of faith, you can be at peace with people knowing things about you and passing judgment on you. And they will judge you. Those who will never dare to write and who will never bare their souls in words will pass judgment on you. And the more hidden they are behind masks of lies and pretense, the more eager they will be to turn the spotlight on you. You will be a scapegoat. You will speak our sins, and they will lay hands on you and drive you into the wilderness.

Click the link above to read the rest of this post and see the comment I left there.

*********************

I am much better today. I know who I am and what I can handle and I know I do my best each day to be the best person I can be to my husband, my friends and my fellows. I know I have been faithful to God and to you my readers as You and God have been to me.

I'm not going to waste time rehashing the last few weeks drama, suffice to say If you want to follow along, go back exactly 14 days and read from there. I have been working on centering myself along spiritual lines to maintain my sanity and serenity. I have prayed my way into the center of the Labrynth. This is where I am standing. I think I've been totally honest about everything I have written along the lines of issues and feelings, dramas and insanities.

Those of us who write - write because we are willed to write, we are inspired to share wisdom, faith, troubles and trials, because, for me, it is my hope that someone will identify with me and maybe offer me some wisdom and guidance. Some have, and YOU know who you are and I am greatful. There are several preachermen who write - whom I read daily, and the RLP (link above) wrote this post and I wanted to see the message. I write because it helps me see things from another perspective. Words on a page are easier to see than racing through my head at 60 clicks... I have been writing steadily for months about anything and everything. My readership has dropped by 50%. I get the same readers day in day out, religiously. Good for you who support this blog. I know each of you by name. Where are the other readers?

Is life too dramatic for some of you who have gone? Is it too painful for you to step outside your comfort zone to invest some of yourself into the life of another person/christian/journeyman/spiritual person? I pulled back from giving guidance to some of my fellows as of late because they are just insane. I can't help everyone. And sometimes those who think they come to me for guidance don't come here with the right motives. And they are on their own now. I can't waste my time on hysterical catterwalling people. Time is Money, Time is precious, and wisdom is not cheap. It costs YOU and it costs ME.

Things in life are not fair. Depression, Bi-polar, HIV, Sobriety, these are all serious issues not meant for the faint of heart. Some of you can't handle the heat. I don't blame you, it's Summer for God's sakes, everyones on vacation right? You don't have the time nor mental energy to invest in another life.

But as we see from the RLP, people do have the time to judge, instigate and cause trouble for those of us who do write. Shame on you... You want a rise out of someone, go beat off in the bathroom. I have said that people who judge those of us who write probably could not sit down and write one single honest word about themselves if they tried. Because I am damn sure, not many of you could deal with what I, myself have been going through. My best friend in this city that I live, told me to my face the other night, that if he was married to my husband he would have walked out on the marriage because he knows he could not handle the stress that I am having to deal with. (that told me alot about him)

Today's topic was (What makes us emotionally strong) I have lived on the axiom, never say NO or I CAN'T to me. being HIV positive and relying on others is a full time job. Don't tell me you can do something, then don't. Don't tell me that you can be accountable and you fail to be that. That is unacceptible. Don't say NO to me, there is always a way to figure it out, there are ALWAYS solutions. There has to be or my life has been lived in vain.

Don't come to class and humiliate me in front of others. Professors should know that karma works for them too. You piss me off or humiliate me in front of others and I will go full out at making sure I have your little balls on a platter and your head as well. Never humiliate me in front of my peers. I don't care if you carry a PHD or a MBA. Never second guess me or judge me. One should never judge a man's power by his appearance alone.

I write every day, and the same people read, yet some of you do not engage in discussion or comments. I wonder why? Because some of you are brilliant writers and have such wisdom, I wish you would share some of your brilliance with me. I welcome new readers and old readers who come back.

It is hard to be who I am and keep it light some days because some days are harder than others. I can tell you that everything that I've seen in the past is wisdom for the present. I stay emotionally strong because I have a support team second to none. I don't do this myself, and surely not without God's grace and wisdom.

So I write and I write from my heart and my soul. I am honest and I may understand the concept of writing straight, although I'll never BE straight. Every word I have written here is true. Why lie, it takes too much energy and the karmic payback for lies and deceit is too costly. The karmic cycle runs without stopping. What are you giving to the wheel and what are you taking?

Remember karma comes back 10 fold in the direction you sent it out in. Sit back and watch the fireworks, they are going to be wonderful I promise you!!

1 Comments:

Blogger Echo Mouse said...

Please know you're not alone Jeremy.

Give yourself a break when you need to and try not to judge others because I know you don't want to be judged. We all have things we take on and handle, whether by choice or not. Not everyone is made the same.

I might not be able to handle living with a Bipolar person but that doesn't mean I couldn't handle caring for a person fighting against cancer or some other illness. Our trials come to each of us for our own reasons. Whatever we need to learn, it arrives, in whatever form will reach us. That's how I look at things anyway. I'm not saying it's true or right, it's just the way I think.

Still, as you said, none of us are God and we can only help so much. Do the best you can. When that's not enough or not working, get additional help. No man (or woman) is an island.

Just...breathe a while. And know you are loved and supported by many. {{Hug}}

It is summer and lots are vacationing and trying to destress. I'm sure your readers will return. Mine ebb and flow all the time. Somebody wise said to me, we are just waves in an ocean. But when you're a wave, you don't know you're a wave - you feel like you have the weight of the whole ocean. Waves come and go, we ebb and flow, and that's the pattern of life. Some are faster or smaller, bigger or slower. Sometimes we get really nice calm water for a long stretch if we're lucky. Just ride this time like a wave and know it will level off. And if it doesn't level off in the time you need it to for YOUR well-being, get more people to help you. You have two illnesses to deal with in your household, three actually I guess...that's a lot for one person to manage without on-hand assistance. So just keep leaning, use the healthcare system, the hospitals, the experts. That's why they're there. If necessary, let them take over and sort some things out. It can be done, and sometimes faster that way. I've had Bipolar friends and that was honestly the only thing that finally worked for them.

I'm sending positive thoughts to you and Peter. Take a break for yourself where you can and when you can. Stop doing and counselling others for a bit or at least ease up on it somewhat. You need time too. Your brain and physical body needs the rest. {{Hug}}

12:15 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home