Saturday, June 10, 2006

Seeing your life pass in front of your eyes...

I think I had a episode and a vision last night, that freaked me out so badly it made me sick. Late night, last night, after doing some writing, I went to take my pills, like any other night. I have this little "pepto bismol" cup now pill holder which I fill with my assorted blues, pinks, reds and whites. The nightly count stands at 13 tasty bits of assorted medical necessities to live.

So I grabbed the tasty cup in one hand and a tall cold one in the other and did the "shoot and swallow action," less the lime, salt and the worm... and in an instant I knew that something just went terribly WRONG. This shit happens, not regularly mind you, but when it does, it ranks up there with the "Please Jesus, I don't wanna die choking on a handful of pills that are supposed to make it all better."

I must have either taken a breath on the upswing or I wasn't properly hydrated to accept the delivery, it was in that instant that I collapsed to the floor gasping for air. I had a choking fit that lasted 40 minutes. I pounded my chest, I banged on my throat, I even attempted to gargle with hot water in hopes that it would melt the medication where it was, I could feel where it was but for the life of me, I could not breathe. I was starting to PANIC!! Do you know what panic feels like - when ones life starts flashing in front of ones eyes - and death is standing right there ....?

I woke Peter up, I was sweating and shaking and sobbing at the same time. I was hyperventilating and several times my life flashed in front of me and all I could say was,

"God, I don't wanna go like this on the kitchen floor choking to death."

Peter got up and tried the Heimlich manuever - did it work, no. I drank a gallon of milk to try and wash down the medication hoping to dislodge it from its place. I have never had a choking episode like this before, needless to say my chest hurts and my stomach aches from trying to purge myself into the kitchen sink. God I wonder if I woke up the neighbors?

You know when you are hyperventilating and the sweat is beading off your forehead and insanity has got you in the grip of its hands? And you are trying to breathe around the item lodged in your throat between the windpipe and the throat? I am horse from the episode and I have this taste of soot in my mouth, its almost like I've eaten a pound of burned wood from a fireplace.

I can't figure out where that came from - the sooty taste? Bile?? hmm

I finally ended up in the shower with the hot water raging as I sat in the tub trying to get hot water down my throat hoping to evecuate the mass from where it was. I don't remember how long I sat in the shower but the light was dawning quite brightly when I passed out in my bed.

God must have been listening, because I woke up this afternoon sore as hell, like I had been beaten by something unseen. But I am still breathing. I went to the Jean Coutu to get some meds. I am damned with respitory complications from HIV - I am not sure what happened, but that episode triggered an immune response and now my chest is heaving and I need to push some sulphur meds to clear up my chest. I'm tired and in pain... I wish this was over with!!

That was a flirt with death, I am not wanting to repeat tonight.


Blogger Beverly said...

Oh man, Jeremy, that is so scarey...Bless your heart. I am praying that you will have a peaceful sleep tonight.

Hey..listen..I want you to know that I have been through some tough shit in my life lest I appear to you to a nieve girl..
man, when I read your comments I just felt a of my best friends died of Aids and I was one of about ten that was at his funeral..

So anyway..i loved it that you came to my blog and i hope we can be cyberspace friends..smiles to you!

11:36 PM  
Blogger CanEragon said...

Thank you Beverly!! Welcome to my world of insanity !!


11:56 PM  
Anonymous Echmouse said...

Thank heaven you survived. I was terrified for you, reading all of that.

I don't want to say or do except {{{HUG}}}

And please know I'm always here for you and Peter.

9:23 PM  

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