Tuesday, May 23, 2006

There is no easy way...

There is no easy way to get through life without a little help from a friend. Sometimes there are days, as of late, that talking to a friend I trust to get me through the dark, is what KEEPS me sane when i think that the world is caving in around me, because let's face it, I know very few men, 1 in fact I trust, most of my guides are women. So needless to say I am very "maternal" when it comes to taking care of my boys. Remember I told YOU that I'd write something about our conversation. The strength I have to help others comes from the strength I get from those who take care of and help ME.

Like any good program of recovery - admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting help for whatever ails you. Today we talked about our "Bottoms!" no not our asses, but the one significant bottom one has to hit to truly seek help for our problems. I guess YOU could say that you've hit an emotional bottom, so to speak, and yes there are many bottoms, in sobriety, in addiction, sexuality and emotionally such and so forth. Just because one hits bottom and finds their way into an AA or NA or CA or GA meeting doesn't mean they are free from future hits to the bottom of the tank. I have had other bottoms in sobriety. Financial, emotional, such and so forth.

We talked about the world, and how difficult we find it when we have to brave it alone, but like I told YOU - you are never alone, as long as I am here. Ok indulge me some Barbra Striesand...

Nothings gonna harm you
Not while I'm around
Nothings gonna harm you
No sir, not while I'm around
Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays
I'll send them howling, I don't care, I've got ways
No ones gonna hurt you
No ones gonna dare,
Others can desert you
Not to worry, whistle Ill be there
Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile
But in time
Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around.
Being close and being clever
Ain't like being true,
I don't need to, I would never
Hide a thing from you
Like some
No ones gonna hurt you
No ones gonna dare
Others can desert you
Not a worry, whistle I'll be there
Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile
But in time
Nothings gonna harm you
Not while I'm around
Not while I'm around

I will always do my best to make sure all of my friends have the care they desire and the support they need even if I have to spend free time to do that. There are ways to get information through proper channels and certain groups. If you can't find your way into a system, then maybe you will find a route through a secondary line of defense. For some who come through AA they find that AA worked for them when other (Something A) did not. We find in our home group on Tuesday that our approach to sobriety within the means and ways of AA and our personal approach to the personal recovery of all of our members and visitors, is more accepting and viable to them. We have a number of LGBT people in my group. Old members, new members, men and women, boys and girls. We approach spirituality with a little ( g) and not a Capitol (G). We say that if you have a problem with GOD then may we suggest that you take some (G.. ood O.. rderly D.. irection) so that is what I offered you tonight some Good Orderly Direction.

I will tell you that if you walk with us - you will find yourself. If you let us love you into existence then love you shall learn. If you don't trust yourself, then trust us. I was a geeky skinny boy with vision problems and glasses. I had low self esteem and when I was a young gay man I had only one ASSet. And in those times I used it to my advantage. It's a wonder I didn't die in those years because I did not have Good Orderly Direction to listen to. No men to teach me right from wrong in a Gay sort of way.

If we are always worrying about dying, then how can we live? I told YOU that if there was a medical problem that the doctors would have found it already, we would have had some KEY to look at, the labs would have shown us something and the doctors would have flagged the file, but they DID NOT. So if we are always wooried about death and we are looking for the lark of death, then how can we live a good and healthy life? I know my son that you are deep in your head about a great many things but WE and US can only tackle one issue at a time. And there is a list of things WE must talk about in order to simplify your journey a little and lighten the load so that you can travel along the journey without dragging so much Samsonite Luggage behind you.

BAGGAGE

We all have it
We all carry it
It is what we do with the luggage
is what IS important

There is nothing more difficult than finding your way into a community that one may not be very comfortable Identifying with because of the problems it presents. Like I told YOU you can approach the circle survey the landscape but don't enter the circle. Find the best approach and safest entry point and don't be so quick to label yourself. Labels kill, and they are more damning then helpful. They might identify US but they sure as hell don't help us in many cases and situations.

Calm down, remember to breathe, and remember that NO - YOU are not going to die tonight, and you sure as hell are not going to die tomorrow. Stay out of your head and remember what I told you tonight. I will do what I can, but like I said, You will have to step out of your comfort zone to find the door and walk through it. I can only walk with you and point the way, unless of course I come out there and personall go with you to where you need to go to find the help you need. We will find the help that you need - trust me and know that you are not alone.

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