Friday, May 26, 2006

I never promised you a rose garden...

Was I insane when I popped the question and was I insane to CHOOSE to walk this road like I have and still do? Can you tell I am frustrated in more ways than one tonight and when I get to places like this - infrequently as they come in this form and level of hysteria, I want my life back, all of it, in the way I want it with whom I want it with, to the degree I want it as well.

(Read: I need to get LAID!)

Sex and the lack of it have seriously impacted my ability to want to maintain a level head about the "joys of marriage" not to mention MONEY...


Wow, what a difference 24 hours makes... And NO, I haven't picked up a cigarette either. But I must say that I am emotionally wrecked today, be it that the sun is now traversing the House of Gemini and I know that my hubby IS a Gemini his birthday is in 10 days, I am a Leo... hear me roar!!

Thou shalt not bum a cigarette

Thou shalt not bum a cigarette

Thou shalt not bum a cigarette

I've had quite an emotionally charged day. I'm a little (well more moody) then usual. my hunger level has risen from what it has been, I guess its a mechanism that is activated when one stops smoking.

My resentments towards my inlaws has risen to the surface of my brain, as if someone has opened the Pandora's Box I had securely locked away in my brain. In fact I had nightmares about the woman during my nap this afternoon. And I woke up traumatized!! YIKES !!!

Right now I really do not want to be married!!

I need a million dollars and some freedom to move whereever I want to...

Marriage is WAYYY overrated
The concessions I made outweigh the perks I received
I am truly resentful and pissy at the moment
I wish that I was anywhere but here
and I know

This too shall pass...


I must calm down
I must eat dinner
I must pray and meditate some more
I must reach catharsis sometime soon
And I know where that will happen

I was warned this might happen, and so it has, and I won't give in to the act of slipping. God help me through this patch of hysteria.

End of Non-Smoking rant !!!
I haven't had a cigarette either!!


Blogger eric said...

Whoa, DUDE! SErious stuff! The emotional roller coaster of quitting smoking... I guess probably of all addictions... can be a pain, eh? You're in my prayers...

I know it's a pain, but lean on your hubby all the more during these times.

Hey do I count the days right... is Peter's birthday 6/5?

Cause if it is, he MUST be a totally cool guy! I mean all the really cool people I know are 6/5ers. I should know... I AM one!



6:28 AM  
Blogger CanEragon said...


June 06 2006 ( he's the anti-christ )

06 - 06 - 06

he he he


10:23 AM  

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