Monday, May 15, 2006

Honey do ....

Edit...11p.m. Monday night

You all know I talk about honesty and integrity and Over the last few years I have tried to figure out who I want to be and how I want to live. And the spouses of the children of the family into which I am married live with their eyes closed, living in silence of acceptance that change is impossible. Well, living with HIV for me means that stress is unacceptible, and this weekend I am stressed. I have had a headache for 2 days now and all the aspirin in the medicine cabinet has not stopped the pounding.

I'm not a secret and I know there is a problem and living in darkness with the knowledge that to speak is to break the "code of silence" is taboo, is beyond me. I cannot be part of this dysfunction and I do not want it in my life, because it only makes me bitter, angry and resentful. And for this recovering person, I can't afford to carry around baggage that is not mine to carry, even if the other spouses told me to my face yesterday that I MUST carry this secret and I MUST live with this and that it is my duty to just accept that my inlaws are FUCKED and that in turn I AM FUCKED!

Well, you know what FUCK ME - I am not fucked and I will sleep tonight and tomorrow the sun will rise and I will hit my home group and have a good cry and this will all blow over. I did not marry my MIL or my FIL, I married my husband, we all have choices. I CHOOSE NOT to walk dwon this road with the "other spouses in this dysfunctional family!" This insanity is detrimental to my life, heart and well being, and I choose NOT to be part of it, even if it means compromising my own marriage to save myself - then It must be me. I have to take care of ME first. I COME FIRST!!

I will always come first when it comes to my well being and emotional sobriety.

Rant over, and who the fuck is king and gypsy???? Who the fuck are you and NO I did not approve your comments either!!


I got home from Ottawa this afternoon. I am sick as a dog, I am stressed to high heaven. I HATE my inlaws and I will not be returning to visit them in the future. I met my hubbys sister and hubby and their three girls and that was the highlight of the weekend, because they actually spent time with us doing things with "us" outside the house. I got to see parts of Ottawa and the seat of government in the light of day which was sweet.

My M.I.L. spent the weekend barking orders and humiliating my F.I.L. in front of the entire family all weekend long. I was sick all weekend because my nerves were shot because of the "high sphincter alert level" all weekend. Mother's Day took us to a golf course buffet for mothers with the 13 members of the family which went ok, but before we walked out the door after brinch I was sick to my stomach once again. It would be too easy to say something, but the "outsider spouses" are obliged to practice the fine art of secrecy and non-aggression and silence in the face of such god damned fucking family insanity!!

We got home from brunch and everyone was fried emotionally and mentally, because my M.I.L. was a holy terror!!! We were up all night Saturday night partying and watching tv, so we went to bed after 2 am and were up at 8 am on Sunday morning. We were all pooped. Hubby and I went downstairs to nap, when his "holier than thou" arrogant prick fuckhead of a brother showed up with his wifey, we were sleeping.

They were trying to get the extra chairs out of the crawl space in the basement for dinner and were making all kinds of noise and woke me up and i layed there and listened to my B.I.L. we call him "Major Arrogant Dickhead" and he was incensed that we had the audacity to sleep while we were there!! He made a smart ass comment to my F.I.L. which pissed me off. We both got up and headed outside for a smoke, and I threw Major Dickheads comment back at him in front of the entire family, to which he marched out onto the pool deck and confronted me saying, "well, you didn't come here to sleep!" he turned around and scuddled back into the house to "mommy" to see if I would follow. I finished my smoke and made a huge scene in front of the M.I.L to which she got angry at me for saying anything - I was banished to the basement for 6 hours. I did not get dinner nor did I eat until 3 a.m. My "Other" sweet considerate B.I.L. came downstairs to try and figure out why I was so incensed. I explained...

Suffice to say, I have had stomach cramps for 3 days, I have not had one nights good sleep and my nerves are shot to hell and I ignored everyone this morning including the parents. We took the noon bus home, thanks Christ the Lord I am home.

I hate my God Damned
Mother in Law
She is evil
She is annoying
Honey do this
Honey do that
Don't do that honey...
(in a voice of a mother talking to a 5 yr old)

She had a glass that was chipped and she drank from it and the glass chipped into her lip and she got upset with my f.i.l. blaming him for chipping the glasses in the dishwasher, like it was all his fault. She exploited this factoid in front of everyone all weekend long. as if to sat my f.i.l. does not know how to handle glasses in the dishwasher!!! Fuck it all to high heaven...

My inlaws are fucked up - anally retentive - mentally and psychologically fucked up. No one knows that I am poz or that my hubby is on major meds for bi-polar, but we had the audacity to nap during out days and Majort Dickhead got upset, Well FUCK YOU MIKEY!! with a Large Black DILDO with NO LUBE you motherfucker !!

Mother Fuckers!!

I have spent the better part of my life trying to figure out who I am in regards to god and myself, and this weekend put me over the edge of rationality and sanity and I want a fucking drink! I will not be returning to my inlaws ever again. I can't take the stress and the mental abuse heaped on everyone by my M.I.L.

FUCK ME !!!!!!!!!!!


Blogger Mind the Bear said...

Sweetheart, calm down. Welcome to the dysfunctional family. I've not only seen things like that, I'm kin to some of them.

Truly, I know how such things can be absolutely crazy-making. Sad that it was such a bad time for you all. What a really sad, unhappy life your MIL must have.

Remember the old saying "how do you pray for some one you hate? Prayer for the SOB (or in this case, B) that he/she gets what he/she deserves.

Then leave that to God to work out.

Don't forget to breathe.

10:27 PM  
Blogger eric said...

Hey there, Jer.

I'm really sorry you had such a horrible weekend at your ILs.

It's hard to be around the negatives in life, I know. And I wish I had something to say, but you know, I know how I deal with sh** like that, and it's not for everyone.

You're in my prayers.


8:43 AM  
Blogger eric said...

Hey there, Jer.

I'm really sorry you had such a horrible weekend at your ILs.

It's hard to be around the negatives in life, I know. And I wish I had something to say, but you know, I know how I deal with sh** like that, and it's not for everyone.

You're in my prayers.


8:44 AM  
Anonymous Johnathan said...

I can understand how stressed you are and why you did not want to talk about your trip when you got back. I am sorry that it happened to you that way. Family's especialy ones who are fucked up and unwilling to accept those around them do not need anything else from us. A wise man once said "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MELODRAMA!!!!" I wonder who that was?

2:58 AM  

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