Monday, April 03, 2006

That which does not kill you makes you stronger...

There is nothing more upsetting than to hear that a parent has distanced themselves from a son or daughter who has "come out" even worse, been diagnosed with HIV or AIDS. I have been "out" longer than I like to think about it, and it's not like my mother and father did not know already, they had plenty of years watching me interact with gay adults at dinner party functions that our family attended. My father was always put off because the gay men would get and HOLD my attention because they would talk to me like an adult, and my father could not be bothered to pay me one moments time, unless of course he was DRUNK.

My coming out process took a turn when I started to see a shrink about this, who happen to be a family friend - and was gay himself. So they had plenty of warning. They were less than accepting and my parents took steps to make sure that I would leave the house - like MOVE away as soon as possible from under their roof. God forbid a faggot lived under my homophobic, racist father's roof.

My "second coming" was the day I told my parents that I was going to the hospital for tests on July 4th 1994, because I had been sick, then 4 days later I had to call them and break the news of my diagnosis. It was earth shattering for all of us.

My parents treated me like shit, like pariah, and today I can forgive them, and I took the multi-year resentment, i'm gonna get drunk and high and hurt me route, so DO NOT MAKE the MISTAKES that many gay folk did. Pray and find your forgiveness and acceptance quickly, and love them anyway. Your love of them will prevail in time, we all pray to God.

The one thing that matter is that GOD LOVES YOU !!

First and foremost...

Over the years I have done alot of social work with young gay men and people with HIV and AIDS, speaking to parents and families about the issue at hand. The personal well being and care for someone who was about to be ostracized by the general public and I tired to keep families together to soften the blow. Sometimes it worked, and then again, for the most part, all of the people with aids I worked with ended up on the streets thrown out by lovers, partners and families. I saw bad shit happen to good people because of intolerance and hate and fear. Bad shit still happens and that is very SAD on their part. They will have to answer to God for their actions, and one day they will. (SEE the story of Cain and Abel)

"Am I my brothers keeper?

YES, you are...

Read (Evangelium Vitae) by the late Pope John Paul II

That was then, this is the 21st Century, and adults still live in a world that shuns difference and in the United States, we still find that parents are less than accepting STILL, in a world that has worked very hard to push diversity and acceptance to the mass media and religious circles. But it seems that we have not done enough to help those who are in the firing lines of parents who won't have anything to do with their gay sons or daughters.

My dear son, you must know that you are not alone. Many have walked this road, and many did not make it, you are not the first and will surely Not be the last.

Too many young people from my day and age committed suicide because they could not deal with the trauma of parental ignorance and hatred. But we know better these days, do we not???

That we are here to help you survive and to THRIVE! We will not let you go into the world alone. This may be a tough time but things will change. Life is all about perspective - YOUR perspective. YOU have a choice to make, you can either be like THEM or become one of us. You can learn to hate as you are hated and reviled, or you can take the higher road, and live as Christ would command you. Kill them with kindness and don't let them destroy you as a person (a gay man). Life is not kind and neither are the religious who do not see gay as acceptible. So find your next place to live and if you need help you let me know and I will personally hook you up with people out there who WILL help you find the path to success.

There are many ways to appraoch this issue, and many ways to find your way BECAUSE sometimes

The "Right" decision and the "Easy" decision are one in the same...

Don't sit in Poor me, and don't go crazy. Hindsight is 20/20 for me and I would have done things alot different HAD I had the information and knowledge that I am sharing with you now. Be the adult, go your way, build your life and SUCCEED!! Don't waste precious time, money or emotion on worrying about them. They will come around in their own time, wanting them to move faster or rushing them to acceptance is not your job, that will be God's job. Stay out of sticky places and trouble. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

TRUST ONLY THOSE YOU MUST, those willing to help you honestly and authentically. Don't take the drug and alcohol gay route, that will only stunt your growth. Don't make the mistakes I made when I was your age. I am almost 40 now !! So I've got alot of 24 hours under my belt. You attract more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Does all this sound fmailiar?

You live your life, you find your purpose and you find your voice. There is so much for you to do, that to waste time spinning on your parental response is wasted time. They will be accountable as long as you follow God's calling to be the best that you can be, EVEN IF time may be gard right now, you will get through this. The faster you make this transition the better. The less time we sit here thinking about what to do the more time you have for living the life you really want, honestly and truly.

Time is a precious commodity - once wasted it can never be regained. Do you want to be RIGHT, or do you want to be HAPPY!!

You will find that there are good christian GAY men who will minister to your soul as God ministers to your soul. There are good holy men of many religions listed ---> Over there on my bloglist, who will minister to you (Gordon, Jayson, Randall, and Preacher Boy) they may be far and wide, but they are great men of faith. Seek them out and they will talk to you. There are many great men on this bloglist who can be good role models for you - there are also gay young men who are poz on this list who will share with you as well. So you have alot of references to look to for guidance.

This is your moment to take that step into the world, but not alone for one moment. God is with you and walks with you as long as you remember that God loves you no matter if you are gay or straight. No one knows what God thinks, so as long as you are right with your God and you know your God for you and you have peace of mind, there is no way you can fail, unless you choose to.

Parents grew up in a world that shuned and did not talk about gay or difference. They did not talk about races or religions. We are not them. And yes they are allowed their feelings they are human, and you have to let them be them just as long as you don't BECOME them. By becoming the man you were meant to be, you will live up to your Godly counsel. Be proud that you stood up for yourself, even if you got the shit end of the deal, grow up fast and SMART. Learn who you are and how you will live your future, times a tickin' away, so don't waste time in the "Poor Me" syndrome. Don't get drunk - drink - or use drugs - there is no excuse for that. And its a bad choice too. Stay AWAY from the (ISM's) and the Addict (isms) ...

Stand up - march forward - and know that you can count on ME and our community to stand with you and walk with you, as long as you need us to. One day when you have lived a few 24 hours your parents may see success. Maybe they fear that you will fall between the cracks and become downtrodden and hurt, show them other wise. Parent worry about their children and I am sure they worry for your safety and life. So give them that. BUT show them that you can make it gay or straight. I know you can do this and I know you will be ok.

You are not alone

LIVE AND LET LIVE - You can't live another's life for them -
You can only live your own life

EASY DOES IT - You can only do one thing at a time

BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD - You are not them

THINK, THINK, THINK - But don't think too much

FIRST THINGS FIRST - Take care of YOU FIRST !! Eat, rest, pray and walk forward...

Hang in there - I am here if you need me, as always...

Be Gay - Be Proud and Be Fabulous !!


Blogger geek_boi said...


Thank you for all of this. I'm overwhelmed with the support that I've been getting. This is truly amazing.

I'm going to print this post out and keep it here with me, just to remind me about the things I need to do. thank you so much!!!

2:35 AM  

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