Monday, April 17, 2006


Tonight's offering:

God or the Girl Part 2

Well one of the boys chose the call of work as a teacher and the allure of a soul mate, and that we see was his discernment from God. Was it a good choice or not? Only God knows. And so the field moves to three young men. Dan , Steve and Joe. Each of them had compelling life altering experiences. I think Steve, having gone to Guatemala had alot to think about. It is one thing to have all the riches that the "world" can provide, it is when we realize that those who don't have much in material things have MUCH in the way of spiritual gifts. That is one thing that I learned this year, well, more like my life experience, that those who live in poorer countries may not have alot of material "things" make up that factor in hospitality, service and faith. There might not be much in the way of luxury, but in simplicity we find their mainstay is "faith."

Steve's Cathartic Religious Experience will either pull him closer to God into following the call into priesthood, or ir will scare him away from the service of God in giving up himself to the call.This could go either way. The more I think about it. I love Cathartic Religious experiences, that is when you know God is speaking directly to YOU.

And those people who visit the poor or distant countries find that they are regarded and treated kindly. People who are not wrapped up in the material are rich in the "spiritual." Such a breath of fresh air for a young person to see and wintess in a world that capitolizes on materialism.

I think this was a great learning experience for Steve. I think it was wise for him to make the journey. My question tonight is, will he make the decision to step up and lay down his life in service of God? I am not sure. The allure of wealth and money and materialism may win over the giving up of ones self to God.

Dan is a good man. I think the challenge his spiritual director gave him was arduous and he made the entire journey carrying that cross and I think that that was a really moving experience to watch. I don't know if I could have done that. Which leads me to think that Dan might make the connection and walk the road to God. You never know who will end up in a seminary and why.

Joe, the long suffering man of faith sits at the Carmelite Spirituality Center looking for that 100% word from God. And Like that priest told him, you may never get the 100% answer in what one should do, but all you can do is take one day at a time and work with that. That takes courage and faith, not to look too far into the future and expect the answers to drop from the sky. I do know this from my life in recovery, we only have today, and we only get one chance at this life. If I had the chance to do this over with (with) the knowledge I have today I would surely have done it differently.

I have spent the last two nights watching this show and it makes me think about what I am going to do with my studies and what I want to do with my life. The second time I applied to the seminary after my diagnosis many years ago, a good friend - who was a priest told me that there was only so much I could do because of my disability and that life would not give me the time to get through seminary that I would probably die in the interim. This priest was handicapped himself, with MS. That was over 10 years ago, and I am still alive. So what does this tell me about my life? What does this tell me about some men of faith?

When you don't have something then it is hard to miss I guess.

So through all the dark spots along this journey I prayed. And I prayed, and prayed, and I read my fellows and I offer counsel whenever it is good to do so. And I am moved today by a friend out in B.C. and his journey and his faith and I think, I want faith like that too and a place to live my faith without judgement or criticism. I mean I have my life and my husband, but I wonder if I can find a place for the service of God to be part of this life as well? Am I making any sense here or am I just rambling?

(Don't answer that question!)

I think about God all the time. When given proper time and prayer I could sit here and ponder the wonder of God all day and not be bored. But what do I do with that pondering? God, I wish I knew what to do with it. Because I know that if I knew the way to figure it out and follow some road of discernment I would.

Sometimes I wish I had a "season" to spend in a place that would allow me to explore God even in my "sinful" state of life.

I thought about writing to a friend on the Prairies and going to spend some time with him in prayer and service. A kind of "pilgrimage" of sorts. Because I wish I could find a useful place to be in the service of God other than sitting here wondering about it. I wish there was a place that people like me could walk a path of serenity and spirituality and not have a religious authority tell me that I am unworthy or unwelcome.

This is what happens when Jeremy spends more than an hour communing with God on a serious level and hears that still small voice saying to me,

"Hello I am still here, but more to the point, so are you, so what are you going to do about it?"

Jesus God in heaven, I wish I had an aswer.

Discernment may take a lifetime, but without taking the time to go into that space and figure it out then why bother. That is why the seminary I was in, back then, had always invited prospective seminarians to come and spend time with them for weekends of discernment and to talk to the students and meet with spiritual directors. To actually live the life, if only for a few days - in conjunction with outside spiritual direction and advisement.

You can gallavant all over the world to seek God and not take part in spiritual direction during the process. This is the one thing that bothered me about this show tonight. These boys had direction and still they persisted in taking this long round-a-bout process and I know I've been through this, when God speaks you "know" it is him, and signs come along the way if you are ready and willing to see them and pick them out of the surrounding environment. You just have to take the step and answer him and go find out if your calling in genuine. I wonder why none of these boys took the time to visit a seminary on the show, I mean would that not be a possibility to helping them "figure it out?"

Now we have to wait until Sunday to find out how they answered.

My bets...

Dan - yes
Steve - maybe
Joe - yes

I don't know, Joe is the eldest of the three and may make the decision to follow God. Dan and Steve are young and I am not sure if they can give up their individuality of self and materialism to follow God and be a servant to God, whereever they are sent or called to do. The only way one finds that out is to take time to spend in prayer in a "community" and see if they hear God in their prayers, at least for me, that would be part of the discernment process. And that is also up to a spiritual/discernment advisor. In the end it will be a panel of priests who will decide whether they are acceptible for the priesthood. I have my issues with the church and the men who lead it.
I guess we will see on Sunday.

Hindsight is 20/20 when looking at the past. Had I known these things then, I might have made different decisions. But young men will do what they will do - and the eternal question persists,

1. Is God Really Talking to Me?
2. Would I be that Worthy to hear Him?
3. And do I have the courage to say YES to Him???

There are so few good men of faith - the world needs new young talent to breath life into the dusty hallowed walls of mother church.


Blogger Silveraa said...

Thank you for your emotional insight into God or the Girl. Your words mean a lot to me. I am glad that you spent so much time thinking about what you saw tonight.


Darryl Silver
Executive Producer/Creator
God or the Girl

12:25 AM  

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