Thursday, April 06, 2006

A day with my husband...

Today was a really nice day, why you ask, because I got to spend an entire afternoon watching my husband enjoy himself in my company. The one thing that totally makes my day complete is to see my hubby smile. We spend alot of time at home, watching tv, talking about school and studying. We haven't had a day when we left the confines of the classroom or our apartment to run around the shopping malls like teenagers.

This morning we got up and got ready for class, we had one class together this term with Donald. After class I dropped a reading report off with a friend to hand in for me - for 409, I didn't feel like sitting in a lecture hall while the sun was shining outside. So Peter and I set off for the downtown core where we like to shop like "Mad Women" with nothing better to do than blow money we don't have to spend on things we really don't need but have to have because we are worth it.

We had lunch in the Eaton Centre Extravaganza Food Court Extraordinaire!! This food court is SO HUGE and has so many diverse food selections to choose from that it is like journeying around the world with food. Peter is happiest when he is stuffing his face with food he likes. My hubby has a love affair with good food, it is almost orgasmic. And he smiles alot. We don't need alot of words over food, the look on his face is just priceless.

We then ventured to Indigo Booksellers and I got a copy of "Memoirs of a Geisha" to read, after seeing the movie and watching the extra's on the second dvd, I had to read the book. We searched high and low for a copy of "Brokeback Mountain" which we found at HMV, I can't walk into HMV without spending at least $50.00 in music. Today I shopped on the conservative side.

We spent the entire afternoon together having fun running around the underground city beneath the Downtown Core. Fun, Fun, Fun...

Now hubby is napping off his big Chinese food lunch and I am watching the news...

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Knowing what I want to do -vs- What I am able to do

There are many things I would like to do, like get a really great job making huge sums of money the one thing that stands in my way is my mastering of the french language. And the fact that I am still in the persuit of a Religion Major in university.

I would like to up the tempo in my studies, but I know that I cannot handle the work load. I love to read, but even academic reading has its limits in my view. 6 credits is about all I can handle per semester, because I get overloaded to easily, my brain does not work as fast as it used to and I am not wordy (in the literate) sense, I am not a big word user like my hubby!!

My days are metered to maximize my potential on any given day. I am physically tired more today than I was in days past. My body betrays my desire to move, and sometimes it won't let me get out of bed. So I must set a pace - a schedule that is kept to make sure I get active daily, even if I do not want to. Disabilities have their necessities - they remind us that we are not like others who can run a daily marathon. Mine keeps me mindful to make the most of my day even if I do not want to. On the other hand, my disability, if I allow it to, will keep me locked in my apartment never to see the outside. And I do have days like that. I've had years like that too.

I know how hard it is some days to try and get motivated and moving. There are days I wish I had a robotic machine that could manipulate me to where I want to go and do what I want it to do. I am like a teapot that sits on a low flame and allowed to simmer and gather steam. When the steam gets to a certain point, I know I am good to go. Some days my teapot just sits on the stove with no heat to get it going.

When do I go back to work will depend on how my body reacts to further pushing, but I know how hard I can and cannot push before it pushes back and says, mm hmm, nope we are not going there today! Just you try and see! (bitch!) I am hoping to publish my book this Summer sometime, I have a literary event to attend in the coming weeks to meet some fine authors here in Montreal. Maybe it will make a nice bit of return and I can focus on my studies and live off my earnings. I really think I want to write for my food. I have some irons in the fire, I have said before, but those irons are long term goals. I know that I would go to work full time when the position is centered around what I really want to do. I am not going to spend 10 hours a day on my feet serving a Master who is going to bark orders at me for a living! No way in Hell !!

HIV is a vicious bitch. It does not communicate freely, and she keeps me at the end of a very short leash. Try as I might some days, she just does not want to work in my favor. But I do my best hoping for good results. It is called "mind over matter" the past is only something that I can look at and study, if I let it affect my present then there will be no future. What was , was, what will be is still yet to happen, so I must walk onwards - looking forwards. That's why God did not put eyes in the back of our heads.

You know what you are able to do

And what your body will not allow

And we who have medical issues know how to read our bodies better than any medical doctor. So don't let your body take you where you do not want to go. If you are to get out of bed, you must first set your feet on the floor and riase your backside into the light of day, even if your back side wants to remain in a lying position. Get up, Get up, get that blood pumping. Come on girlz and boyz, lets go run a marathon !!! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving !!

I am your greatest Cheer leader
Because You are my greatest
Cheer leaders !!

If it were not for all of you, this blog would be boring and inane
So I thank you and I bless you

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In Memoriam...
When you get a chance go visit
Monastic Mumblings, A Friars Journey

Our brother in Christ has told us that after a long
illness his brother Mike died Wednesday Night
We offer our prayers for peace and serenity

Mike, may God bless you and keep you
Eternal Rest Grant Him and
May Perpetual Light Shine Upon him

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