Monday, March 13, 2006

Mother Nature - The Street Cleaner

I have not felt very prolific lately, I have been feeling a little down these past few days, after a week of feeling sick and even my friends called me on it. I don't ever talk to anyone about feeling sick, let alone being sick if ever, unless it is warranted. Never look sick, if you can help it and never let them see you sweat!!! Ms. Nicky noticed that I was very pale and looked sickly last week at the meeting so she has been calling me more than usual to check on me. I guess the additional sleeping that I have been doing is a good sign that my body need some borg regeneration time.

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It has been raining for days as of late, mother nature has begun the slow clean-up of salty, dirty streets, cars, busses, buildings and sidewalks. This happened last (winter's end) where we had a good washing before the sun peeked out and started the "Sprint for Spring." We had a short spring last year, if memory serves, I am hoping that we will hit that all important week long steady double digit warm days. When that happens I will begin to unlock and open up the apartment from the plastic cocoon we have been living in for the last 6 months! God Winter has lasted 6 months, imagine that. There is snow in the forecast for later in the week.

I have alot to do in the coming months to prepare my home for the most important guest that we have hosted in some time, aside from Peter's parents that is. A lady friend of mine, well, more like the last girlfriend I dated prior to seminary, whom I still talk to today is coming for a royal visit, and I have made a list of the "things to do" before she comes. Like paint the "vision lines" around the edges of the apartment, I need to spruce up the bathroom and kitchen with a splash of new paint and I must paint out the rest of the living room as planned this spring. There are two partial walls that have to be painted out to match the two bookends of color in the kitchen and living room.

I need to get some new florals from the store, my 2005 edition floral arrangements are dead and need to be tossed. (You see we are dollar store chic.) Americans would rather die than decorate or purchase anything from a dollar store, but you know, much of our kitchen tools and some of our decor is straight from "The Dollar." They are fixture stores here in Montreal, you can find at least one every few blocks and in every major shopping mall around the city. They are simple but very well stocked with all kind of "kitch!" We don't need to be queens to the pottery barn, not that we have one of those here, or even pier one. There is one of those in Westmount, too far to trek from here for sundries and wares. It is easier to walk downstairs or up the block to "The Tire."

Speaking of "The Tire" has anyone seen the new campaign now on television? I don't know if I like the new non-descript couples and the drop down aisles signs. The first thing that came to mind is that our Tire Store does not have 32 ailes in it, I think there are maybe 15 aisles in our store close to home. There are larger stores over on St. Jacque and in other areas of the "burbs."

Did I forget to mention that it is a Full Moon -----> look over there at the tag!

Which could explain my need to hibernate and sleep. I swing to either end of the pendulum on the full moon, I guess this swing was to the quiet side. That's the ticket...

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So I wonder if Jeffrey Buttle has stopped by to read my glowing parises of his sportsmanship and grace, he is getting ample daily traffic on my blog, "still" after the Olympics, weeks ago. So if you are reading Jeffrey, welcome to Montreal. We are hoping to see the Skate show here in Montreal in April.

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I never talk about my mother, since the last vision I had of her on November the 19th, the day before our anniversary last fall. She came to tell me that she was going to die, and that's the last time I saw her, until this morning. I share this dream because I don't know what it means (YET).

The dream began with a traveling by boat it must have been a great distance because I was on this boat forever and a day. There were others in the dream, but if memory does not bring them up, then I take them as inconsequential to the dream. I got a phone call to come to a hospital - I was carrying a baby, who's baby, I have no idea? But I was walking towards a birthing center, where my mother was standing in the room, I can't remember which.


There was a "familiar" in the room, a black cat. This was specific and meant something to the dream, as quoted here:

"There are hundreds of feline folktales and superstitions - cats predict the weather, sense domestic disharmony, steal a baby's breath, steal a dead person's soul, bring either good or bad luck and carry away a sick person's germs. Cats' eyes tell the time or the tides. Cats are witch's familiars, enchanted princesses, beloved by priests and prophets or envoys of the devil since they were sneezed forth by lions on the Ark and not created by God. This is very much a romp through some of the feline folktales and superstitions found around the world."


So a baby was coming into the world - and my mother said that I was not welcome in this activity, I heard those words as if she was speaking them to me now as I write. Now, I am pretty good at "death and babies." All of my visions have come to pass within days or weeks of the prediction/vision, I had the vision of my nephew being born in 2001 or was it 2002, (I'd have to look in an old journal) I called my mother and asked her is my sister in law was pregnant, it took her 6 weeks to tell me the truth. My mother can be a bitch when she wants to be, "My mother's greatest weapon against me is withholding information or hitting me in the heart with her dagger words of hatred." anyways, There was a child, there was a familiar, and there was my mother. 3 crucial pieces of information. And I did not think of this until just this moment, but maybe there is another child that has come into the family - with every death comes a new life. That dream has stayed with me all day long.

I think in the last 2 years that my mother has figured out where to reach me, outside herself on a spiritual plane. Because that's where I would see her, in dreams, and in visions IN my bedroom. I have actually seen her standing in my bedroom, that's what happened in November, it was as if she was coming to say goodbye, I knew that from the feeling of the vision. SO maybe she is visiting in my dream state to bring news and information. One never knows, and you all know that I will grab at anything that speaks of spirit or God or family.

Funny, I have not seen my father at all. Ever, I don't even invoke his name, but I do find that I have been thinking about him as of late, because many of those little phrases he used to throw at me as a young person are coming back to haunt me. I find myself using his phraseology and signature sentances and pertinent thoughts in one line statements. After reading, The Journey Home, AGAIN, my anger and hatred is transmuted into forgiveness. This practice of revisiting old texts to "re-work" forgiveness and peace, I think is necessary to properly deal with childhood and teen age angst and trauma. Each year I re-visit texts and books to "brush up" on my skills of forgiveness and spiritual growth.

This afternoon I actually got out of the house to go get our taxes done, thank god for rapid refund, my husband the book-keeper of the house does well with numbers and calculations. Thank God he can take care of finances and insurance and medications, hey he is useful!!

I think I need to get to bed soon, it is nearing 3:45 a.m. as I write, it is quiet and peaceful, Peter is snoring in the bedroom, Art Bell is on the radio and I have quiet time to think and write something witty and wise! UGH!! Oh to be so prolific once again.

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This weekend I took an old book off the shelf because I heard it call to me once again, it is a little book called "I Heard the Owl Call my Name" by Margaret Craven. She is a writer of Native stories, it is a quick read, but packs quite a punch. It is a spiritual read, and I think a very important read for anyone on the path of spiritual truth. The companion book is called "Again Called the Owl." I Love Love Love this little book of wisdom.

Ok, off to bed with me...

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To sleep, perchance to dream...

"To sleep, perchance to dream-
ay, there's the rub."

This is part of Hamlet's famous soliloquy which begins "To be or not to be", and it reveals his thoughts of suicide. He has learned that his uncle killed his father, the late King, and married the king's wife, his mother. This foul deed has driven Hamlet nearly mad, and he seeks both revenge and the escape of death. He has been disconsolate since learning of the murder, from the ghost of his dead father. In this scene, he ponders suicide, "To die, to sleep-/No more." But he is tortured with the fear that there might not be peace even in death. "For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, /When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, /Must give us pause." Hamlet's moral and mental anguish is at its height in this soliloquy, which is the emotional centerpiece of the play.

Themes/keywords: Suicide, death, dreams

1 Comments:

Blogger Echo Mouse said...

I agree with you on the meaning of your latest dream. But what does it mean? Is your Mom trying to bring you together with family? Or just keep your informed?

You sure have a lot going on. I'm worried about your health though so try to take it easy. Painting? Forget about it. That's cosmetic. She's coming to see YOU :) I just know how much painting took out of me last year so please rethink taking that on right now.

6:23 PM  

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