Sunday, February 19, 2006

What day is it today? Sunday...


I'm a little lost today, 4 p.m. rolled around, after I got out of bed at 3 p.m. and I went looking for the big "O" on television, and I flipped the remote and No "O" and I looked at Peter and asked him why "O" was not on? and he replied, because it is Sunday silly man !! UGH, me so stupid! So I settled for C.S.I. !!

Sleeping a coma like sleep is so wonderful because it affords you the opportunity to dream big, huge technicolor dreams. Do you like late night radio shows? If you are anything like Peter and I and your answer is YES, then Coast to Coast AM Radio late night is the "place to be."

I can't help myself at night to get into bed, all warm and snuggly with a book, and the radio playing in the background. Mr. Art Bell is your weekend warrior late night host, and during the week you have Mr. George Noory and pre show with Mr. Ian Punnett. Three men of exceptional talent and wisdom. The only problem with late night radio is that it runs until 5 a.m. and you know what happens if you go to sleep really, really late right? (you sleep all the next day!)

So last night... do you like math? Ok. take any number, larger than one digit. Add the numbers. Subtract that total from the original number, now take that answer and add those individual digits together, your answer, Nine!! (The human calculator) ... I really don't get into numbers unless medically necessary! I hate math and anything to do with it.

But Out of Body experiences? now thats right up my alley. Have you ever had one? I have had several. I've written about them before. I have had several (tether) or more to the point O.B.E snapping the tether experiences as well, leaving my body and rising out into the firmament and at some point feeling the snap back into my body experiences, last summer to be exact if you check my history, and NO I am not crazy! I have never tried to directly initiate an O.B.E. they just happen on the odd occassion.

I am reading at the same time, Christ the Lord - Out of Egypt by Anne Rice. Last night I had a spiritual experience. The family is in Bethany, just prior to the feast of Passover, and Jesus Bar Joseph is about 12 years old, and outside the house of their kin in Bethany, Jesus Bar Joseph is having a conversation with an older brother/cousin, James. James is visibly upset because he confesses that his hate and envy of Jesus has consumed him, and out of contrition, James tells young Jesus, the story of his birth then they go off to the Temple the next day to make sacrifices for absolution.

Jesus at this point of his life does not know what happened in Bethlehem many years ago and finally James tells the young Jesus about the night he was born in great detail. Reading the text from a childs point of view was incredibly moving. I think many of us know the christmas story, but I have never read an account from a childs perspective. I won't spoil the rest if you haven't read it, but if you haven't already and like Anne Rice, this is a must read.

In weather related news: it is ( -6c / -15c with the wind chill) and they are calling for snow in some degree through the end of the week. And seeing that the weather here has been unpredictable and so severe - you never know what's coming. The wind/snow/ice storm that hit the other day derailed a train on the service bridge to the South Shore, caused multi- car/truck/bus accidents on the highway and cause damage to homes and buildings in the city.

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Moving, relocating, finding ones way in a new city...

I have lived in East coast coastal cities for the whole of my life. I have also seen the insanity, "deliverance" ways of the midwest. I have also been to the West Coast for vacations. I've been to Los Angeles, San Francisco and even SAN DIEGO! Each area by location is different. Each city approaches life from a different perspective. East and West are like day and night. Land Locked Central states are hugely different than her coastal sisters. That's just the way of things. If memory serves, a wise woman once said, "If you don't know where you are going, is better to stay where you are until you figure it out." One can not live in the past, because one can only look at the past and see how is affects your future, and only you can allow that change to happen.

If you are not comfortable with the present and you miss the past and you are unsure of the future, then maybe it is time to beging meditating with where you are. Each city has its mode and way about it. Like evrey good woman, a city has secrets to be realized, moods to be seen, emotions to be felt. With the multitude of peoples in any given city, customs - traditions and ways of life, can enlighten you if you allow them to. You have to seek out those answers. You cannot rush change or adaption to a new city you live in.

But I do have a question? What has your BF done or not done to help you along? I mean he did bring you there, is he helping you cope with your current state of unrest? And if he isn't I want to ask why not?

Do you know how long it took me to get acquainted with Montreal? Over a year! Five years later I am still learning what it is like to live in a foreign country. There was a time, a few years ago, that I was standing in the middle of the street with the U.S. on one side and Canada on the other, and I was in the middle and I did not know where I belonged. It really unnerved me, to the point that I had to seek counsel about it. I went to Donald who would eventually become my mentor and I told him that I did not know where I was, and he told me this line... "you come from one place and you moved to another, a foreign contry, and you are uncomfortable. He told me that I should SIT where I was a become part of where I was now, to FEEL where I was and to experience what it was I was feeling. IT IS THAT EXPERIENCE, that helped me become who I am. Every city is eternal and feminine and wonderful like very woman on the earth. She has secrets to share with each person, she has beauty and wonder. Life is MEANT to be FELT and EXPERIENCED. If you limit your life to regimented structure, you are missing the point of "A reason to live!" If you EXPECT life to give you something, you will be disappointed.

IF you SIT where you ARE long enough and you add one day on top of another one day at a time, you will find where you belong. It does not come overnight or on YOUR own timetable. It comes with conscious living of every day for all that is is worth. You will find your way, eventually. Patience is a lesson we all must learn, lest we drive ourselves crazy!! That's the way it happened for me. I was dismayed with the U.S. and I did not identify as a Canadian, yet, personally, so I had to find the space to exist, knowing who I was inside, what I believed and what was my Ethos and Mission. I had to find where my allegiance lied, and it wasn't with the red, white and blue any longer. I changed because I ALLOWED myself to expand socially, emotionally and educationally and personally. I allowed the city that I now lived in to help shape the man I would become and I AM today. I KNOW who I am today, and I know what I believe and I have always been honest and forthright with every one out there - on this blog.

Integrity is the backbone of every existence


Expectations are pre-packaged resentments. And there are no justified resentments, RIGHT?

Become part of where you are, live it, feel it and experience it, every ounce of work you put into your life comes out ten fold in gratitude for what you get from it.

DO or DO NOT!!
There is NO TRY!!
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1 Comments:

Blogger Echo Mouse said...

Ohhhh that was so Yoda...lol Great post Jeremy :)

3:09 AM  

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