Thursday, February 23, 2006

Thoughts to a friend...

It seems you come around to this perspective every so often. And as you say it seems that you are repeating yourself and things seem repetitive. They might be but the gift of repeating the same lessons or seeing the same issues is that as we grow up, we are polished like a diamond. We are tested by fire and we learn certain things from the last point we looked at the journey.
I think you have learned a great many things. Life is based on a repetitive cycle of events, issues, feelings and emotions, but the days, circumstances and characters in the story might change. The purpose of this journal is to collect that data as a template for the next time you reach the same issue or question, as you evolve you will see that problem or issue in a different light, as you get older you will see things from not necessarily the same way you did before. (Hence you learn)
It may seem that you are walking around in a fog and in circles and making peace with religion will reach the point - in time - that you make peace with Your God of your understanding on your own. There comes a time when we have to step back from the organized religion model (as I have as a gay man) and I took what I wanted and left the rest behind. God and I are on speaking and praying terms, and I live a proper christian life. People focus on the sexual lives of gay men to pigeon hole them as sinners, remove the obstacle that keeps you from knowing God, and you will see that sexual desire comes from God and is natural.
You have to come to this point in your own time and find that definition for yourself I cannot give that to you, only point the way. As we grow spiritually our spirits and perception shift to spin at higher spiritual levels so we see things differently. It is our choice to accept that change in ourselves. We cannot move backwards once a spiritual shift has occurred, it would be an affront to the new knowledge you have come upon.
4 years is a long time, and you are still alive. And I have tried to keep you in a good space spiritually and challenge you to grow within your own boundaries facing all that you have. And to this point you've succeeded, and for that you should be proud. I have always told you "to thine own self be true." If you are dishonest in yourself, you cannot be honest with others, and you can't fake it with friends, they will see through the mask and fascade.
We grow, the lessons repeat to make sure we get the information we need. Once you learn a specific lesson, you don't have to repeat it. The karmic wheel just adds another lesson you need to master before you can move on. People who do not learn their lessons the first time are destined to repeat their mistakes until they do, so pay attention - to the little things along the way.
There is a really great book i think you should read, "The Journey Home" by Lee Carroll. It will explain this spiritual enlightenment that I am talking about here, you can get it on Amazon.com. (another set of books are by Dan Millman, The Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior and Way of the Peaceful Warrior) you can get them at Chapters/Indigo. Well worth the time to read. I believe to get spiritual knowledge you should exhaust every tool in the shed. Spiritual knowledge can come from many a good source. These books are collectibles and should be read cyclically, as you reach certain points in your life, they will show you your spiritual progress from the last read.
I really applaud you for sticking this writing journal out, because I have prayed for you and I write you a little experience, some may think I am arrogant and stupid, how can one man have collected all this knowledge? Live, Explore, and question.
Keep walking young jedi...
Life is just beginning and there is a map you need to find out there for you.
I am here when you need me. You are never alone. Many young men go through this - the gift you have is someone to keep you on the path and share wisdom with you so that you do not fail in your task to become the man you were meant to BE.

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