Turning Leaves

Yesterday I went to meet Ms. Nikki for coffee and we had a lively discussion. After that, as usual we went to set up. We walk through Westmount on to the church through a very finely manicured area on De Maisonneuve. After the meeting a friend and I were walking along that same stretch of road, and I was looking up into the trees as we walked. And there it was

( Orange Leaves ) in the trees.

And I commented... "Looky there, the leaves are turning." My friend said to me, well "August is over, and it is now September." so it is.

Last nights topic was "Silence." It was a great topic to discuss. How we used to deal with silence and how we deal with and appreciate it now. Downtown Montreal is so noisy these days, between the cars and trucks, and at night the dopers and street folk and residents who live in the neighborhood who fight down there, screaming and shooting at each other. You see, we face that neighborhood and we see and listen to everything that goes on down there. I cannot wait till the temperatures drop and we seal the windows for the Winter and then as it happens, the first snowfall of the 2005 Winter season.

Where do you find silence within all the noise of life? Is it in a church? Is it in the forest or up on the mountain? Or do you find silence on the prairies of the West? Can you find silence where you are each day? And when you reach the silence what do y ou do while you are there?

Last night after my emotional breakdown, I was sitting here typing and I had an anxiety attack, i was sweating and I could not breathe, I turned off the TV and sat in the darkness and stopped what I was doing and I meditated. It took me a little while to calm down, I had to find that familiar silence that I so love. I like to sit in my silence and talk to God. Closing my eyes I look for the light that is there in peace and quiet. I can reenergize and restart my engine. This practice of getting in touch with the "silence" takes place each day before I get out of bed and the last thing I do before I go to sleep each night.

Amid all the suffering going on in the world - I have to always be able to find some peace, when things seem so dark and bleak. I felt sadness and despair last night, even though I am miles from that situation physically, I am there in the thick of it emotionally. I have flashbacks of what it felt like. I had nightmares of homes in ruins, of friends comeing back into the "war zone" to find that their lives had been turned upside down. Sometimes feelings can be overwhelming, that is why I teach the lesson about learning to get to know the silence.

Sitting in the church on Tuesday nights, there sometimes happens when nobody knows what to say, "Silence falls across the room." And for a time that awkward silence takes us into a desire to break the silence and say something, but these days the group seems to enjoy moments of silence when a topic is floating around the room and the sharing gets a bit emotional. There is a generator closet in the basement with this machine that goes on and off throughout the hour. Yesterday I was sharing about my silence and in the middle of it all that damn thing started and it runs for about a minute through which one has to raise their voice to talk over the noise so every one can hear you, it is annoying. Then as it stopped I had to gather my thoughts again, after loosing my train of thought, as I began to speak again, someones cell phone went off - and she must have gotten there late, because she forgot to turn it off... which led the group into a round of laughter. Is there no peace and quiet?

PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES AND BEEPERS BEFORE A MEETING DAMNIT!

Winter is on her way, the silence is coming. Will you celebrate her arrival or will you resist her and create more noise to fill the void? I know that I will sit before my wall of windows and i will wait for that "SKY" to appear, you know that one sky that will bring with it Winters first snowfall. It will start with a few flakes, then a few more, then the deluge will begin. I know for me that I will get suited up and take a walk into the park close by and I will welcome her back into my life, as I do each year.

Meditation, I find is necessary for me each day to get in touch with that energy that fuels my life, and I know when I get into the "thick" of it, I have lost that silent connection with my higher power, that energy that gives me life. If I don't stay connected, I will become disconnected.

How do you stay connected? and Where do you find your silence? Are you a Fall/Winter type of person or are you a Srping/Summer type of person? and what difference will this Winter make in your life, beyond having to shovel snow or leave earlier to get where you need to go?