Thursday, August 18, 2005

Overwhelmed

Once again today the air is crisp with a tinge of chill. Is this the signal for the changing to the seasons here in Montreal? I've been having nightmares for the last few nights and I get up and I am exhausted. So today was a slow start up.

I've been writing for a little over a week and I am feeling terribly overwhelmed by the immense amount of information that I want to share with my readers and the pressure of responsibility is hanging over me! Now I have to go back to what's written and figure out what it is I need to get rid of and make some serious adjustments to the body of work I have produced so far. UGH the performance pressure is making me CRAZY!!!!!

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There are many feelings and emotions that go through the mind of someone who has just been diagnosed with HIV or AIDS. When life turns on a dime, things change for the rest of their lives. The learning of new behavior comes first. The pressure to adhere to treatment programs is so intense that regimen failure is something we have to make sure does not happen. The pressure and stress of taking meds for the first time, not knowing what is going to happen to you physically can take you down to the pits of despair. Those of you out there who do not have to deal with this these issues, will never understand what we got through to survive.

The emotional balance that we have to maintain is overwhelming, so I encourage those of you out there who are dealing with people like us, to have compassion and understand that this life we are now living is strange and unknown to us, and it is a one day at a time process. But if you think that some of us can help yor friends cope, then give them the information provided on this blog to contact me and I will do what I can to help them.

Do not despair when you see someone dealing with this issue, but try to help and console them and give them strength to push through what they have to with courage and faith. Taking meds for the first time is truly scary. And the mental pressure that is placed on us, expecting the worst side effects is only magnified by the thought energy we place on those expecations and that makes treatment all the more difficult. It is important to help those who are taking meds to work daily sometimes hourly or minutely to push through it and not to give negative thoughts more power than they need to. Because this one trick of mental programming will help them immensely.

There is so much more to talk about when someone is diagnosed, that this is why I am writing this book, to explain the finer points and nuances of coping and living well with HIV. This is something close to my heart because I have lived it, so lets talk and see what we can do to help those who have just begun the journey.

I need to get writing since I have not ever started my shift yet today.

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