Monday, August 08, 2005

Life. Rosie and marriage

It was a nice quiet weekend, I got some writing done as well. We rented some movies to watch last night, "Imaginary Heroes" with Sigourney Weaver, I think she is an incredible woman and actor. This was a strange roller coaster of a film, but in the end it was great. It is a "Sit down and pay attention" movie. Secondly "Constantine" with Keanu Reeves, a very strange movie, it was dark and violent. It left me asking alot of questions, rather than answers.

Peter has begun reading my Harry Potter books, so we also watched some Harry Potter movies as well. He is almost finished with book 3, and he still has a lot of reading to do to catch up. I was re-reading book 6 again. As if I didn't get enough on the first round.

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Rosie

I got some mail from Rosie tonight announcing her Return to Broadway in "Fiddler on the Roof" as "Golde" Her run begins September 20th through January the 8th 2006. Which means I will have to take a trip to New York to see her. If you read her blog, she has written about the current U.S. Administration and the "IMPEACHMENT" of Bush from office. I agree, he should be dumped as President. I don't think he is a leader of Peace, but a President of War.

I have said this before to my American readers.

Leave your homes and pack up your families and move out of the United States for One Calendar year, and observe your country from outside your borders and from a different News presentation. And See that everything they taught us as children in the States IS NOT TRUE, That there is more to the story than you really know, that there is a truth that you will never see UNLESS you leave your "social/political" circles and gospels.

Come and live outside your comfort zone for at least one year and I PROMISE you that your vision and stance will change. But that will not happen because people don't leave their homesteads and comfy lazy boy chairs. Like many, you say, why should I leave the United States, I have everything that I need and want. I support my government from the word Go, and I'd never think Otherwise!!

Well, good for you, then things will only stay the same and this war will continue and Bush will send your sons and daughters, father and mothers to die in a war that was built and maintained on LIES, DECEIT and Coercion.

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People

There is something I need to do - someone I need to talk to and I hope tonight she got my message and hopefully she will find the time or make the time to talk to me because there is a slippery slope we can find ourselves on if we are not vigilant about choices. It is too easy to find someone who will blow smoke up our skirts and make us feel loved and attractive, even when we may not get that at home.

On that day we repeat: I take thee to be my wedded partner, to love and cherish, to honor and respect, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part.

I know what those words mean to me. I know what it means to be honorable and respectful. I know that I have been to hell and back "In" my marriage. I watched my husband sink into a pit of depression (Pit of Hell) with his Bipolar II - Rapid Cycling disorder. I took care of him and along with my doctor we started to treat his problem and it took us almost a year to get right. I know in that time I needed to find strength and I took it from whomever would give it to me, BUT that did not include anything outside the rules of monogamy. Marriage takes work, on both parties. One person cannot stay married for both people, just like I cannot stay and maintain sobriety for two people. Each of us are responsible to making sure that we both contribute to a healthy, LOVING, SEXUAL, mental and emotional balance. And I have to say that that took alot of work, we work on this every day. WE each have friends and we talk to those we need to daily, and there is no one else in my life who gives me that which only my husband can give me. And If you are not getting it from your husband and I say this with love:

"IF YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE YOUR MARRIAGE FOR ANYTHING THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THAT MARRIAGE TO BEGIN WITH!!"

You need to find the balance and get the help you need to solve marital strife. Jesus Christ I know what it is like to deal with my MOTHER IN LAW!! It has not been a cake walk these last 3 years lemme tell you, only this past summer did i have the balls to stand up and do something that needed to be done to alleviate some stress between my inlaws and my marriage. Marriage is NOT for everyone, and there is no HOW TO marriage manual. I mean so many authors have penned books on the "marriage" and how to have a good marriage.

There are not alot of nuance books out there. You cannot learn the finer point of being married from a BOOK! Life comes before career. Health comes before Career. Happiness comes before career. LOVE comes before ANYTHING! GOD comes before any of that. Without GOD there is not spirituality, Without God there is no holiness, without God there is no hope.

I may be gay, and I may have been a seminarian and I may have made many mistakes that does not mean I have FORGOTTEN my roots or where I came from. I did NOT forget one person I have loved or been friends with. I never forgot those retreats at Lake Placid, the nights we sang together, the nights we cried together, and especially the night that I layed my hands on your head and prayed for your life!! (Did you forget that night, because I didn't)

I know what it must feel like to be alone in a marriage with a partner who has issues. I know what it feels like to be alone with only the 4 walls around you and a journal to hear your confessions. I know what it feels like to face the possibility of my marriage never getting anywhere because dealing with a mental disease stood in our way! I KNOW!! I know why you came looking for me, I am sure of it. And you know that I am not going to mince words when I tell you that if you are not happy where you are then you need to:

1. Find a balance or be miserable in a one way relationship
2. Get the help HE needs to get over his problems, this is not about you but HIM
( the deciding factor in growing up is when you can put the needs of your partner before your own when that comes to medical treatment of any disease. ) If you don't take care of you and get the help you need as well to stay sane and alive then you are useless to anyone.
3. Find the route to healing with your MIL !
4. Foster love and health into your marriage by
a. Taking time to be together when you usually are not
b. Spend some time taking care of your partner emotionally and sexually
5. Marriage strife will only continue if you don't face the issues in front of you.
6. If you cannot find the happiness in your marriage then maybe you should not be in one.
7. There is life in any case, you have to find the life that you desire and need.
8. Marriage is not easy, it IS a give and take finding the balance is incredibly important.
9. If your marriage is missing something, getting it from the outside is not Honorable.
You have to find a way to FIND it within your marriage - not get it from an outside source.

We don't get married so that we can be "with" someone and not alone, even if there is money, travel and wealth involved. All those trappings of life mean nothing if there is strife between me and my husband. There are so many things we need to talk about, and know that I am here for you in whatever capacity I can be, and I am always here for you.

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