Thursday, August 04, 2005

I am what I am / A Code of Many Colors

What are 10 words that would describe myself:

1. Tenacious
2. Opinionated
3. Real
4. Honest
5. Insecure
6. Extroverted
7. Loving
8. Sober
9. Sometimes Insane
10. Educated

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Ok, for a little color !!

"Sometimes a child’s view is an unclouded, unfocused discovery of revelation. There is beauty to be found in the wide-open realm of their imagination. They only see the possibility of things (and not necessarily the thing itself). I sometimes wonder where on the road to adulthood so many of us lose this lust for more color? Do we become so jaded that we only see things in primary colors–or worse yet, in a strict absence of color: black and white? Why do we no longer want or expect more like that child mesmerized with dreams of countless crayons? Why would anyone want to settle for a world where a multitudinous array of shades are pared into just a few acceptable colors?" (Obliquity)


I always liked the HUGE Crayola Boxes of crayons, especially if it had a sharpener on the box, like some of them did. I always try and discover things, and learn what I can, I do not take anything for granted and I take in what I can as well. Living with the knowledge of my mortality gives me pause to "step out" and DO, it took a long time to do that. I live in the "grey" area. I mean I am Gy, HIV+ and I am married so life is all about learning what is right and what is wrong. We are teachers, role models and people of respect and dignity. Nothing in life is Black and White, Being in University has given me the critical vision to understand just how "grey" things should be, and that NOT everything is Black and White. Just as I find that in Christianity, (Well, my branch of christian belief, that God delights in the grey area and not in the black and white of specificity and exclusion and persecution.) that has caused me to rethink my beliefs and affiliations.

Growing up in my Gay world has been a life of choices and decisions, I had to form the person I am from the myriad of examples of good people I came in contact with, came to know and wanted to adopt from. My parents live in the "black and white," which gives you a really good idea why I do not fit "within" their color scheme. There are as many ways to live as there are people and colors in the world. How boring it would be if we were all the same.

"It is in our differences that we find commonality, NOT in our sameness."

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