Tuesday, July 05, 2005


It is a miserable and muggy day here, the skies are so wanting to open up and rain on us, sooner than later please. I just got home from having lunch with my mentor Donald. It is rare for a professor to come to me and ask me how he should structure a class for next term, I guess I am useful. Donald is my favorite prof, and friend.

I did not get into the Honors program as of yet, My GPA needs a little bump before that can happen, but we did discuss the thesis topic that I want to discuss. So we'll see next term how well I do.

We talked alot about today, in the sense of the anniversary. And we talked about "Paul Monette." Paul was a man who had Aids and died a few years after I was diagnosed. At that time in that first few years, there was very little reading material on the Lives of Saints, in that I mean the men who wrote down their stories for those of us to find and learn from. I own every book Paul ever wrote. A few favorites come to mind:

1. Halfway Home
2. Borrowed Time
3. Last Watch of the Night
4. Taking Care of Mrs. Carroll
5. Becomming a Man
6. Afterlife
7. Love alone: Eighteen Elegies for Rog

Those are my favorites.

I did not have anyone else except Todd to go on then, so Paul was the voice I listened to. I learned how to cope, and I learned then that in the beginning, there were no drugs, but men loved each other till death. I find in today's age, that there are alot of drugs, but not enough love, which was tough lesson for me to swallow, watching family and friends walk away from those who were sick, out of fear of "Contact or Contracting of Aids" by touching or hugging, and as well, social pressure forced alot of people to walk away out of fear and "God forbid, one of my friends or other family members find out I am associating with someone with Aids, perish the thought.

I mean it was sick, gay men were being thrown out of homes and apartments, employers would fire them after disclosure. Gossip was something that could kill you, people talked and if you were sick, there was no pity, but just downright ignorance. Some of the things I saw made me sick. I never knew that human beings treated each other like that, but i learned because my family did that to me. Blood might be thicker than water, EXCEPT if you had AIDS.

Its a good thing that I started my "Mental Fortitude" education early on, because had I not gotten this education, I would have gone crazy. It was very helpful that I had a community that took me in and kept me busy doing things and working, so that I did not have alot of time to think or ruminate on being abandoned. Abandonment is a man made construct, but not a God made construct.

Because God does not abandon, even if the mere Christian may think he does. It is important how each of us sees God and utilizes hope and faith. It is a proven fact that men who had faith and some belief in God survived alot longer than those who did not, or were mad at God. a funny thing that "faith" isn't it. It has POWER to heal and sustain, just as the faith of those bible thumpers who say God hates Fags!!

You know what Christians? When God comes down out of his heaven and tells me to my face that he hates me, I will listen to My God before I listen to yours. And you can take that to the bank.

What does this lesson teach us, today?

That everyone deserves a shot at life, faith and respect and include there some dignity and that we should love everyone, not just some. That suffering comes in many different forms. Every one who is sick deserves to know that God is there, and has not abandon them in their hour of need. And shame on all of you who say otherwise, this is where I ask you to review your committment to your Christianity.


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