Monday, June 06, 2005

Where is God???

Where is God when the pain gets too much?
Where is God when you can't eat a full meal?
Where is God when you can't make it to the bathroom?
This was NOT the deal I made with God.
And this surely ain't no punishment for Sinning!
And I am surely not happy with the state of anger
that I am in tonight, after trying to navigate
through a birthday meal with my husband.

To look across the booth at him, knowing full well
that he knew I was trying to eat, and I just couldn't
and the fear that I was going to be sick right then and
there was on his face, and that FUCKING Killed my Dinner!


Looking at food made me nauseated
Trying to eat was a task.
And the fear of loosing myself before getting home
was a real concern.

What the fuck is going on? and What the fuck
kind of lesson is this ??
And what did I do to deserve another round
of the shits, not sleeping, and irritability?

I'm tired.

I need a fucking break GOD !!!

Are you Fucking listening???

I mean I've done my job, I've walked this fucking
journey and I never gave up,
but something in your grand scheme of things
is not working right,
and someone up there must be pissed off for some
Un-Godly reason !!I have no Fucking Clue !!

Now I need a fucking answer and I need it
FUCKING YESTERDAY !!!

This was not in the contract and it was NOT in our agreement
that this long term suffering was going to pick up
not slowly, but truly Over-Fucking Night !!!

I am not done yet, with what I need to do
so a little fucking grace would be nice
right about now!!

It's been almost three weeks and it's not BETTER !!
So whoever your telling to tell me to
"TUFF IT OUT"
You better give them some serious medical information
before I go Postal on my doctor !!

I can't pray my way out of this one, when my body
won't respond !! So a little grace would help!

PLEASE !!!!!!!!!

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