Tuesday, June 21, 2005

F..E..A..R..

The Topic is F-E-A-R
I went into my head for an hour
and I thought about fear

When I was a child, I was forced
to fear things that I should not have
which lead me to the realization that
I did not fear things that a Child should have

What do we Fear?
SUCCESS
SOBRIETY
CLEAN TIME
ABANDONMENT
POVERTY
BEING ALONE
DIVORCE
ABUSE
ADDICTION
FAILURE
LOSS
DEATH???

I see friends who have unhealthy fear, they worry about things
that I don't and I wonder why? So many of my friends
talk about getting Sick and/or Dying...
I have faced alot of my fears in the last 37+ years
and I can tell you, that I thought about this topic walking home
from my Home Group Tonight.

What is my greatest fear? I used to have this fear of
loosing family pictures and heirlooms and "things!"
Those things - I don't need any more.
The One Really Big Fear I have today is loosing my
"Memories, My Traditions, All those things I hold dear to me."
I fear loosing my sanity, loosing control of the life I have today
Yet, I don't have control of my life, God does
I think you can understand what I am trying to say here
without having the need for me to "Spell it Out!"

Why do we have the fears we do?
I gave a few friends a "reading suggestion"
Maybe it was time for them to pick up a copy of
"Many Lives, Many Masters"
by Brian L. Weiss

It might explain some things to them and to you

As a child I feared adults, I feared Pain, I feared Abuse
I feared my Father and the other men in my family
I feared living and survival because of what I was forced to
endure as a child
I was forced to face severe illness, stroke and death
as a young boy, I had no choice but to embrace these things because
they affected people whom I loved and who loved me freely
I accepted that calling then, because I wanted to
because the adults in that "time period" could not
So I grew up fast and furious, I was schooled in dealing
with adult size problems very early in life

Now that I am a man, I don't fear those "things"
I do fear living and of success and of Screwing things Up
So I over compensate at times and I should not have to do that
and so I am learning balance and Staying in my day
Living in the Moment, in the Now
I dont have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow
because then I would be pissing on Today

You wanna know when I "Feared" the most?
When the doctor - upon my diagnosis said to me
Well, Jeremy, it's game over, you have at maximum
18 months to live, so kiss your ass goodbye
then He walked out of the room and left me to deal
with that thought alone, I was 26 years old
You wanna talk about fear?
What do you do in 18 months while you "wait to die?"
Knowing that - that date was looming made life
totally un-bearable

Today I have a healthy understanding of fear
when it arises, I write in down, I look at it
and I have a discussion with it
and I face it up front - well I try
I categorize it and I make a place for it
and then I let it go and I live ...

You fear death? Well, maybe you should take a look at it
and get to know "her"
if you have fear, wouldn't you rather

understand it, and know how it affects you and other around you
then to live in the darkness walking around waiting
for the carpet to be pulled out from under you
or waiting for the "other shoe to fall"
This will alleviate alot of your personal suffering

You can't live in what "Was", or "What Happened"
it is gone, it should not affect who you are or what you do
It is time to walk boldly into the future
with your head held high awaiting what
the Universe is about to teach you for it is
"All About the Journey!"
Who you meet and What you learn along the way

FEAR

Fuck Everything and RUN
or
Face Everything and Recover

because it could very well be

False Evidence Appearing Real

So what are you gonna do with this
Information???


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