Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The women of my Spiritual Direction

Today was a hard day. I got up feeling like crap, and i was tired so i skipped my first class and went back to bed until 11. Peter got me out of bed, because I had things to do today. And I had to read up for my history class this evening.

I met with Ellie, she is the United Minister who married Peter and I back in November. She is also the Director of Chaplaincy for Concordia University. I wanted to talk to her about my "parental issues!" we talked for about an hour and she gave me some advice and she asked me to pray. We talked about the reasons why I feel the way I did. I found it incredibly helpful to have her perspective on these issues. My spiritual direction team employs a few choice men and women in my social circle here in Montreal, and as well, the many people here in this blogsphere.

I guess my major religious flaw is this:

Having to let go is difficult because I believe in the redeeming quality of my parents, that I believe that God can still work miracles and that redemption is still attainable, and that thought gets me into spiritual hot water! Sometimes I don't know when to turn off the faucett!!

After meeting with Ellie, I went to see Dale, she is the Queer Alliance Director at the University. She is the contact with the LGBT Community at Concordia. We have a Q2 alliance and services that are available for LGBT students on campus. I've been friends with Dale since I started at Concordia - 3 years ago. She feels that it is important for me to "check in" often and let her know how I am doing. I have a great team of advisors who encourage me all the time, and who are amazed that I am still around. Encouragement is really helpful when you live on borrowed time.

I've done speaking and counseling sessions with her at least a couple of times each semester. I am one a few HIV positive men who are OUT on campus and are available to speak to students about the issues they face in their lives. So we talked about where I was, and I asked her about how other adults she knows have dealt with this issue. It is important that I get those perspectives, because like I wrote to a friend tonight, "sometimes growing up into manhood is a daunting and sometimes terrifying experience."

Both of these women are great supporters and always have something good to share with me. I think that having a few "KEY" people walking the path with me makes my journey a little bit easier. My feminine team of advisors is strong. I find it encouraging that I incorporate spirituality from many areas and that God does love me and that I am worthy of his grace.

I do believe that there are no barriers or judgements in God's vision. That we are all God's children and worthy of HIS love and guidance. So what did God say to me, Ellie asked, I really could not give her an answer, this afternoon.

If I was to give you an answer now, it would be to "Keep Walking."

So I walk ... Forward ... but not alone!!

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I went to meet my friends for coffee as usual on Tuesday afternoon. Like clockwork. It's Tuesday Homegroup night. I enjoy my time with Nicky and Peter, I think of them as parents. This weekly event gives me a chance to be there for them and to listen to them and on occasion offer them some advice. It matters to me that they both respect me and help me along the way when I need it, but as well, I can help them. I never knew that becomming an adult would bring this kind of clarity and enlightenment. I try not to look in the mirror very often because sometimes I scare myself with how I have evolved into the man I am today.

You know getting sober and working an honest program does have its perks. And my friends enjoy our weekly coffee talk and today i went to the hall and help them set up the chairs and tables for the meeting, although I had to leave at 6 to make it back to campus in time for class at 6:30. I am truly enjoying my Canadian History class. BUT I have a midterm on Tuesday Night !!! OH MY GOODNESS!! I am going to bury myself in my textbook for the next week!!!

Ministry takes many forms depending on the person sitting in front of me.

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YO YO YO YO it's BO ALL THE WAY DOGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Peter taped the Amercian Idol show tonight, because I didnt get home till 9:30. And WOW what a show, my prediction is BO with a HUGE lead. Kerry was allright, but not stellar! She will still get that recording contract, but BO is gonna win this season hands down.

That's my entry for tonight...

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