Thursday, May 05, 2005

Preaching in the fields

I have been reflecting lately on my role in life, as a Christian. As a man, As a Gay man and I have thought long and hard about my recovery. Alot has brought me to this point. What do I believe, and what is my truth, and how do I want to proceed from here? My life goals have again changed, due to the way my path has evolved. I've always tried to remain open to the spirit, where ever it may lead me.

Where is God, these days? and What is HE trying to tell me. I read the preachermen in my blogroll. People like Jayson, Chuck, Gordon, The Preacherboy, Mike Cope, and a few others I respect highly. Men like Carmi, he keeps me grounded. His simple message of family, of Love and on the importance of being "present" is so important to me. I want to be a man of integrity and respect. I want to share the attributes of the men I respect. Although I've never met them presonally, I have come to know them respectfully through their ministries and blog spheres.

It's not about being Gay any longer for me. It's not about stereotypes and who i should be in the light of the Pink Agenda. It's not about sex, or what I have to have or what they say I should be. In my marriage thus far, looking back at the beginning of our relationship, I have grown up ALOT. I have defined the life I want to live, and I have found the person I want to be. I have become responsible and accountable. It is NOT the material that drives us anymore, but who we are to each other and how we choose to live, and who we choose to reach out to in life.

Tonight the sacristan called to see if i would come to mass on Sunday, and I really did not want to answer him, because I just don't feel like it. Yet I said yes I would be there, I am just not thrilled with church anymore. There is no challenge in the light of recent Catholic Activity. I see God outside ( in the outside spaces) I am following men of different faiths and traditions. I wonder what I am supposed to do now, and where I am supposed to walk, and I am just following the still small voice in my soul. I don't know, i keep hitting this point of intersection on a continual basis, maybe I am evolving as well. Because I am walking every day. I am following certain men on their journeys.

I see young men struggling to find themselves. i read young men write one thing in their blogs yet, they don't see the writing on the wall themselves. That maybe a relationship is not the most important part of life that maybe "He just ain't into you like you would want!" So i write and I share some life experience and i get smart ass comments back from others. Well, i don't see anyone else reaching out to give sound life experience to anyone! I wish I could write all this stuff in a book and publish it for readers to take a look at and read. That's what this space is for, to preach the good news of life experience. To share some kind of hope with those who would listen.

We, as gay men and women are so marginalized and the religious right thinks we are useless and that we should just disappear, well, I am not going to go so quietly into that dark night. I mean if Rosie can get upwards of 400 comments a post, and a fair chunk of them are positive reactions, then maybe people are starting to see that Some of Us are trying to do something good for others. I mean If I had traffic like that the gospel I preach would be out there so much more.

There is no agenda with God. He IS all that IS. He gives me life and a soul and a voice to speak with. I don't use my voice to mislead people or give bad advice, nor do I openly try to harm other people. But as my sponsor says, "Gold is Gold and Shit is Shit...Don't waste my time, honey because my time is precious!" I have come to that point in my life. Where I am not wasting my time on useless projects and pointless adventures.

Now my 3rd year in religious education begins. My time is coming, I am told. This is the year I will make my mark and I am getting whiffs of true direction from the winds and from God. People are starting to give me advice that is going to set up the rest of my life. They tell me I can teach, or write or travel and study religion - that is something I really want to do. The path is being set before me, and if I stay focused and I listen, then i will find my way. But you know, it is all about the journey.

God is such a BIG subject to talk about. My God, do you know how many hours I could spend talking about You. Do you know how much experience I have had under your watchful gaze?
All the wonderful memories I have sitting before you in places "Other" than a church? I got an email from the Real Live Preacher tonight and I was truly touched. That message reads:

"As always, thank you for your kind words. I put you on my blogroll tonight.
I should have before, but I don't think much about it. I reserve that for
friends and you have become one.



Tonight there is a preacherman in Texas who has called me a friend. Investing in relationships and talking about the wonders of God can lead any journeyman into communion with another. We are all preachers here, this "virtual ministy of faith" is amazing. Don't you see how many people we can reach from this place? There mere mention of God, to some, is too much to consider. OH God, not god. I can't wrap my brain around that concept. Well, you don't have to.

But if I may invite you to, maybe walk a few miles on this road with US and see if you don't find something that can help you as well! It's not about dogma or rules or regulations. This journey is about self discovery. Finding the light within. And once you find that light within, you realize where that light has come from.

Who am I? What is my truth??? well, I won't regurgitate my laundry list of the many hats I wear, but if you have hung around long enough, you know my story. I am in recovery, that's something that I am NOT ashamed to speak about, because there are men and women out there who need to know that there is someone else out here who has been to Hell and knows the way! There are positive members of society who will need to hear about courage in the face of death and they need to hear stories about pain, and pleasure, looses and triumphs, but basically I am a walking, talking, one hell of a Medical Miracle. ( And those are my doctors words ).

Can a gay man have a spiritual existence ? YES I can and I have. And if you give me a chance I will share with you the teachings and lessons I have learned in 37 years of life. I have followed the path of God for many years, trying to find my way forward. And I know that all the dark periods of my life happened because I turned my face from Him and strayed. Now I walk with that truth. I know who I am and I know what truth I carry within.

There is no question that I could not at least Try to answer from my experience. And If I don't have an answer to your question I will seek out the best teacher I know who Can answer the question. Every man, woman and child has experience. But I find, that we do not know that "what" we know IS and CAN BE important to someone else. "We will see how our experiences can benifit another!" There are many promises - Do you know where to find them? If you run in certain cirles like I do and a few of my readers do - you will find those promises.

So will you walk a step or two with me? this harkens back to my sermon at the beginning of lent entitled "40 days and 40 nights." It seemed alot of people liked that writing. But it is not only a lenten journey, but it IS the life journey, who you meet along the way, and what you learn about others and yourself that is important.

So come on, take only that which you need, leave the rest behind. Dragging luggage behind you on the journey is useless, you will have to get rid of it eventually. That is MY truth for tonight.

God is Good and I can call you my friends and family. Being a man of faith is a tall order, but if i keep it all in perspective and remain humble and teachable then I have done my job today.

As the good Father Fetscher is apt to say to me...
Blessings on Your Head !!


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