Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The beautifull mess of the Kingdom of God

I read this tonight - and it spoke to me, so forgive me Jayson, but It is right where I am right now, and this is what i want to write about.

"Growing up, Church had always been a sanitized place. It was the one day a week that I dressed up in my ‘Sunday best’ and shook the hands of adults like we were all congratulating ourselves on being Christians. I learned the game early on in my life. I was the kid who could rattle off the right answer in Sunday school and who knew how to smile and say the right things. Church was a clean and tidy world to act a charade, but it was void of reality and meaning. Sunday became a ritualistic façade for me to play ‘Christian’. Outside of Church there was no room for my religion. Faith was what you did once a week. It continued to the point where I was a student leader of the High School group my senior year, but afterwards I would either go drinking or smoke a bowl.

As I grew up and left for college, I left my faith in God but mostly I left my belief that the Church would ever have a place of value in my life. There was an enormous divide between Church and reality. It was only through a series of life-changing events that regardless of my rejection of religion, I knew that I needed God. It was through this journey that I got involved in the emerging church-planting movement."

"When broken people (based on my selfish standards) come into our church family it takes a lot of time and sacrifice to walk with them in life. But this is where we are calling our community to. We’ve started a number of ministries to our local community and are looking for ways to go beyond traditional social justice ministries. We want to go out and become the beautiful mess of the Kingdom of God."

When I was younger - I had an enormous faith in God, in Jesus and the fact that I "belonged" to a community that had no labels, we were just simple "christian" young people on a walk with Jesus, they called it One on One. I knew where I belonged and I can say without fail that on the odd occasion I would hear God's voice speak to me, in my heart of hearts.

When I graduated High School the priests of the parish agreed that I should venture into Ministry and so I entered the Seminary, with the one true wish in my heart - to serve God and his people. Sadly after only 1 years time, I left because I could not put God and politics in the same sentance. I have had my share of dances with the devil in the later years, and I did the death dance for a while.

I came to Montreal, because of a leap of faith. To find my roots and learn Who it was that I was to become, the move out of the U.S. to Canada was a big deal, it was the BIG MOVE, and the only thing I had was faith that i would be lead to do great things, if i kept my heart open and listened for the voice within.

Today I had a meeting with the director of Chaplaincy for the Loyola Chapel - she is the woman who runs the Loyola Chapel where I belong as a member in good standing and of faith. But over the last two months I have felt the tug of God within, and so i hang back now, and i read the preachermen on my blog list and Jayson and so forth!!

Church was something I did as well, on Sunday's, in the last two years, I have begun to study and live God 24/7 and it has become the focus of my survival and living. Being in University, building a portfolio of assorted religious education - at the same time I have learning about myself and my relationship to God - the Church and to myself. And I told her that I am not comfortable going to "church" because as Gordon and i discussed - I FEEL like I belong "out in the fields" doing the work of the Master. I just feel called to do something greater, and I am not sure of just what i am supposed to be doing, but it is not inside the church to where I was going.

Do you kinda get what I am saying? I don't know where I am going, but I stay on the path, and I am encouraged by my peers and my freinds to stay right where I am until I get the next map piece. Church has always been a fixture in my life. But God has become a constant in my daily existence. I have said this before.......

"It is difficult, NOT, to think about God, when all I do every day is Talk about and Study GOD!"

So it goes, I have changed so much in the last 2 1/2 years, that I cannot begin to tell you the dynamic changes that I see in myself, and if you told me 2 years ago, that I would become the man I am today, I would have laughed you off the planet.

Where is God, and where do we find him, and what is the reality of faith?? My reality is that I am walking this road, and it is not about me, but about the people on the road with me. There were tiimes in my life when I rejected religion and the mere thought of God, and every time I did that I ended up falling on my knees begging God to help me.

I have done that several times in my life. Now, He's got my full and undivided attention, and now I am listening. I work with young people in crisis, and i work with folks in recovery and there are several sober readers who read this. I do my best work when I remember that it is not always about me, and when i remember to leave the ego in the closet in the morning, i can usually navigate a great day! I take care of my family, and my friends, and I get discouraged at times, but i guess what i am trying to say is, we all have a calling to do
great things and be holy people.

I just know right now, that life is changing again. I am taking Native Traditions, taught by a professor from the Kahnawake Reservation on the South Shore, and once again today i was lifted from my chair during class. There is just an energy I feel when we are in that room twice a week, and I am not the only one who has said that after class.

What does God call us to do, but to listen and to be there and to do great things for whom ever we meet on the journey. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY!!! I am not sure which direction I am walking in yet, nor do I think I wanna know because I am far from the answer and I am comfortable with NOT KNOWING! and for me, that is good enough. All I can do is be open to the voice and the willingness to walk in whatever direction God sees fit to send me.

I would really appreciate the input of the many Holy People who read this Blog, to share their views and spiritual guidance. We are all on this journey together and was all learn from one another don't we??

It doesn't matter what religion you follow, or faith practice you engage. There are a few men like Carmi that I truly respect your vision whom I know would have some advice, as to following.

Faith, Truth and Love abide,
and the greatest of these is Love...


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