Friday, May 27, 2005

Answers ...

There are days I wake up in the morning
and I don't know which way i want to "be."
The confusing way my thoughts run through my head
the worries that I won't be the same man I was yesterday.
And for a few moments that is comforting and terrifying
The daily way we grow IS important,
that we try to be supportive and encouraging in something
I try and do...
for myself and for others

What is it that keeps up connected to people?
Where do i sit in the rank and file categorization of people?
I don't know some days. Who Am I today
because I don't feel the same things I did yesterday.
The Pain of memories is not so strong as it was.
What is it that drives me to succeed??
I once heard an angel say that
"Faith begins with a question and that Life was
Something you fought for and deserved, because
God loves us and weeps when we are feeling sad!"

I am not the man I was - nor am I the man some
see me as, this arrogant prick of judgementalism...
What does time give us, but experiences, and answers
the longer we live, the more answers we get,
the more years we stack on top of one another,
the next layer of the onion comes off...
Why does knowledge set one apart as seeming arrogant?
is it that others cannot simply understand
that life is a big classroom and those who choose
to come to class daily learn something, and those who
don't - point fingers at us who do!!

Is it in the approach or the delivery?
People who think they know the truth,
are set off by the honest thought that maybe
"You just don't know my truth..."
We grow up, and eveyone has a history...
None of us escape childhood unscathed...
What we become as MEN are derived from what we knew
and what we saw...Some of us grow up to do great
things and become great men.
That is intself is something to admire, that even
though the past did some of us dirty,
we grew up and learned how to Love and be Loved.

Feeling is not something that most men admit.
The past is a book we chain shut and place in the closet
farthest away from the rest of our reading library.
Growing up - for me - has been extremely painful.
Knowing what to say, and how to say it, like telling someone
that "you are proud of them.." sounds
condescending and trite...Like a parent!!!
But in its simplest of terms, when someone says,
Look where I am going, it's a big break...
that IS something to be proud of.
When we as men, find the path and find our calling
and become great men that do great things,
is remarkable and Important.
To share in that "achievement" is a blessing.
"We" as a community are making our marks
in this world...

That takes Courage....

Like clockwork the 7 o'clock hour came up
and what do i watch, but TBAA...
Touched By an Angel for you who don't know,
every episode has a message and never disappoints
especially when it comes to faith and fighting to live,
and the simple fact that God Loves You...

Where is this journey going, I feel apart from the
community that i once belonged...
Addicts and alcoholics, those in trouble and
those who think I am some arrogant prick on
a religious trip, I've been called a Zealot,
and a hypocrite, and a religious fundamental...
Wow, those are heavy words...
It seems that people use these words without
really understanding the definition.

If you spent one day reading and understanding
you would find that
"Knowledge is Powerful"
and enlightenment only comes when you submit
to the Creator and understand that we are but
clay being worked under the Masters Hands.

That at the end of the day, I did what I could,
I preach my gospel, because I know what I have been given
and I know what I can offer,
The pigeon called today after a month of being
"Out there"
"I am sorry" he said - "for letting you down,"
Forgiveness came easy, just to know he
was still alive...

He met a man - an older man who gave him
a place to rest his head and ministered to his soul.
Is that an angel - I think so...
Addicts are not lucky people - they usually loose
the fight.
But I believed that he would surface - and in time
he would make that call to say hello
Which made my day, and got me out of bed
to feel better - that in one life, I did make a difference.

The longer i study this thing called life...
I know that I don't have all the answers
and I don't say that I do..
I do know this, that the journey I have walked
for the last 12 years has been nothing but


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