Monday, April 25, 2005

How do you know??

I did my service today at my Monday Night meeting. And I got to hear an old friend share tonight, whom I have not seen in years, since he lives in an entirely other section of Montreal. Yet I know his sponsor very well, I see HIM occasionally. This man of Jewish faith, spoke with such humility and faith, that at one point he moved me to tears.

I got a wonderful letter from Carmi today, I am blessed to know such men of faith and substance. When I grow up I want to at least know that I've learned something from the men I admire today. I want to know that I can adopt certain attributes I think are important in my personal development and as well, in my life of recovery.

I wish my friends of Jewish Faith a wonderful Passover Holiday!!

I think that I am stepping into another "service" position as sponsor to a man I know from the rooms. Many months ago, I extended a hand to a man I met in the rooms one afternoon at a meeting, I in essence, planted a seed. I gave another person in recovery my phone number and said that I would step up and be "present" at any time of day or night. In recovery, saying YES is a common response. One never says NO to the spirit, when HE moves among you. So, i digress. Months later I run into this person at a certain meeting and I reaffirm my willingness to "be present." That person has been on a slip for a few weeks now, but the one good thing about that is, he calls me every day to talk. And I listen. Tonight he met me at a meeting and asked me for a favor. I will do what I can for him, but recovery is all up to him.

I am the "patron saint" to hard luck boys in recovery here in Montreal. They seem to gravitate to me in cycles. Some make it, but it is sad, a great many of them do not. I have a different approach to sobriety, and that seems to freak people out. I am not a "THUMPER" but I am firm. I expect a commitment and responsibility on their part. Yet I am not like many other men in my sober circles. I don't know what they want when they come to me, very few have stuck around to watch the miracle occur, and is that My failure? I wonder!

All I can say is this, I am still clean and sober almost 4 years later, so I must be doing something right.


"TO WHAT LENGTHS ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO GET CLEAN AND SOBER??"

Well, the Big Book says, ANY LENGTHS!!

I am waiting for a phone call as I write here. We will see what transpires. I have a simple philosophy with sponsees, it is the same for my friends, "I do not give up on you!" I am here as long as you need me, the only requirement I have is this, don't ever lie to me, and make sure this is what you want!" I sat in the meeting tonight, reflecting on my first years of sobriety and as my friend spoke, I ran the list of people, who impacted me then. We know the same people. I ran in his circle of sobriety for a long time.

On the walk home, I spent some time reflecting on my abilities and my sobriety. There are moments when i need to bounce ideas off of someone just to hear myself talk, it's my process.
I have always done that since early sobriety. I took the long way home so I could go by and see another "sober friend" of mine, whom I happen to respect quite highly. He has been sober over 13 years now, and he pulls no punches, and speaks his mind succinctly!

"Gold is Gold and Shit is Shit!" you're are either in or you're out, there are no half measures!! Don't waste my time he likes to say." So you see, I know the drill, but i had to hear him say that.

What else is going on in my life! Nothing. The hubby is cooking dinner and we'll probably crash in front of the TV for the evening. I don't know if any of my blog listed folks are reading my blog any more, but that's allright.

It was a good day, I was present. What can i say but, THANK YOU !!

I heard from another friend this afternoon she sent me pictures of her garden. I love gardens, they are starting to pop up all over the neighbourhood here as well. I need to take some time in the coming weeks to get my flower beds up on the balcony. That will require a trip to the Atwater Market when it warms up enough !! The Atwater Market is a weekend Bazaar where there are flower stalls and all kinds of plants and garden items. They also have a great fresh fruit stand. It is nice to go and buy some fresh fruit, bread and cheese and some drinks and go down to the Lachine Canal and have a picnic. We haven't done that in a long time, since last year in fact !

We'll see that I have to write later tonight. cheers until then!!

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