Saturday, January 01, 2005

The End of the Holidays has come


So i slept 13 hours today, which for me, like Seven of Nine, us HIV positive persons, sometimes need a long regeneration period in our alcoves. I had several wierd dreams which led to nothing special, i should have written them down as i usually do, but alas, i just rolled over again to sleep some more. I went to bed about 4:30 this morning, and the first time i looked at the clock it was 2:00 in the afternoon, then again around 3:00p.m, 4:30, then i got up somewhere after 5 in the evening. Regeneration is the only way I have to reset my body clock and do some inner T-Cell rebuilding. For those of you who understand this, it will make sense. Afterwhile the body has only one option and that is to sleep while it regenerates. Which means I have abused my system to the point where my body makes the decision to Stop me and keep me down until it has sufficiently rested and regenerated itself.

Kinda like a BORG ain't it?)


When I got up this evening, I had only one thing I wanted to to, and that was to Rip the fucking Christmas Tree apart and box it up ( it's fake) and take down every decoration that was up in the apartment, and for once, give us some space to breathe, and banish all the boxes and needless objects to the balcony for the remainder of the Winter. ( That's my storage area.)

Peter had gone to the store, so in the time he was gone, I ripped the decorations down, boxed all the ornaments and had them stored on the balcony before he got back. No arguing, no words, no nothing. I am sick of looking at that damn tree. I am so glad the holidays are over with. Can you tell I'm preparing to go on a RANT???

Everyone got what they wanted for Christmas. I bowed to everyones requests, I ate their menus of chic little fucking finger foods, and exotic Christmas family Canada Dinners, FUCK !!!

Not once during this holiday did anyone bake a fucking Turkey or glazed a god damn HAM! I have lost 10 pounds since Christmas eating Nothing but veggies and rabbit food ! Tonight I am thawing out steaks, filet mignon and baking potatoes for dinner, and nobody better say one fucking word to me about what I want to eat for dinner.

All the families got to see one another. I went with Peter to Ottawa to see his family, and yet I am so resentful over that it's eating me alive. Once again this year, my parents and family did not call, nor write, send a FUCKING Christmas Card, or anything. I want to get on a fucking plane and go scream, yell, rant and rave until I am done. My parents don't do fags, homosexuality,or relationships (including Gay ones).

It breaks my heart that once again, I have survived another Holiday, now that makes 13 in a row HIV positively. And I am still alive, yet part of my life still Illudes me, and remains Unsettled. And once again, this year, Jeremy does not get to have HIS questions and Christmas wishes answered. And over the holidays I have bit my tongue and not said a word to anyone, knowing that I cannot change them, I can ONLY change ME, it's all about perception. MY PERCEPTION. I am not living in the past, mind you, I live in the present, and wonder why I am being punished!! I am certainly NOT getting whatever lesson God has seen fit to try and teach me.

So that's my little rant for tonight. It's not traumatic, but I had to write it down, so I don't take it into the rest of my night. Other than that, We watched I,ROBOT last night. It ROCKED !!
If you haven't seen it, I STRONGLY suggest you get a copy.

Hey do you like the C.S.I. Series?? Lately well, in the past 2 or three weeks, Peter and I have gotten hooked on them. CSI - Original Series in Las Vegas, CSI - Miami, Hey I lived there for 34 years, I gotta watch and see what locations and sites they use. and CSI- New York, with Gary Sinise and Melina Kanakaredes. They are on at least one a night on several channels here in Montreal.

Off to B.B.Q. me some STEAK dammit !!


Post a Comment

<< Home