Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Things I don't usually write about

I'm not feeling well today. Since I stopped some of my meds last week due to the FDA questioning the viability and safety of Celebrex, I am having daily fatigue, that is starting to get on my nerves. You see, I TRY not to complain, if ever, about my HIV problems. In the last 13 years I know that mental masterbation about side effects or nausea, headaches and muscle pain, only magnifies the pain even more, because I am constantly thinking about it. So I keep my mouth shut.

Over the weekend at my inlaws, i woke up several nights with incredible pain in my arms and shoulders. I told the hubby about it and he even spent some time massaging my shoulders and arms to see if that would alleviate the pain. Which for a little bit did. Last night I asked him to rub my shoulders because the pain was just grading on my brain. I can deal with pain, but pain, day after day gets to me in a bad way. I get irritable and moody when pain becomes a long term issue.

This evening I was taking a shower and afterwards I was shaving and the pain in my arms was so bad, it took some work to finish the job, then i cut myself, which means i'm slipping. I've had a hacking cough for days and my chest hurts from coughing, so i began another round of Biaxin to try and burn off whatever is in my chest. Yeah, how's about a little more nausea from sulfur meds. FUCK !!!

I read over Boo's blog today and bookmarked the several other blogs she recommended to read. I found them to be very insightful and interesting. No Boo I don't know how to knit, but I do Crochet. It's a family tradition i learned along ago from my grandmothers. I haven't done anything remarkable except a toque.

I skipped my Tuesday afternoon coffee and meeting date. I am just too tired and I don't think my friends would be pleased if I showed up sick and got eveyone else sick as well. I need to take some advil and go rest my body for a bit. I am into Dan Brown's Angels and Demons.

As for the house, all is well. Clay and Ryan have scheduled other events this weekend for the New Years Celebration so we won't be having guests from out of town to entertain. I told hubby that i wanted to play the rest of the week by ear and see how we feel by Friday before we make any plans locally. I am just too tired to worry about that right now.

There you have it... I have started to complain, which in my book means, There IS a problem. And If I take the time to complain then I must be approaching my pain thresh hold. That's when my doc starts to pay attention a little closer, if I tell him that I am in pain. Because he never hears me complain.

I'll write a bit more later tonight.


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